It's relatively easy to sashay into any trendy bar in Tampa or St. Pete. But in a dive, if you're not hitting people as "real," then you may suffer the fate of a social piñata, verbally or even physically. I've seen a welder in a skirt get more street cred and respect than a fast-talking stranger desperate to talk shit.
To walk into a dive is to submerge oneself in deep and unfamiliar waters. It is here, against the sharp silence of the unknown, that you can take careful measure of your truest self.
Here are some of my favorites:
The Boat Club
1721 County Road 71, Tarpon Springs
727-938-9566
During Prohibition, the Anclote River's tangled, shallow waterways helped keep Tampa's underground supplied with booze. These days, the river is rumored to be a smuggler's safe passageway for blow and weed into the local economy. Set back on the marshes off Alt. U.S. 19, the Boat Club is the premier dive of Tampa Bay. It says shady in more ways than the thick oak trees that surround it. It is a shack. Graffiti covers everything but the uneven floors. Old car seats sit atop picnic tables deeply scarred with knife cuts. Locals, bikers and refugees from the burgeoning subdivisions keep this old-style Florida bar alive with the sort of seediness that makes the dark river whisper with the unsaid.
JD's MacDill Tavern 6100 S. MacDill Ave., Tampa
813-837-2400
While the green-eyed, wild-haired waitress is assuring me that JD's is a family bar that just happens to open at 10 a.m., the guy next to me is getting threatened with a round of bitch slapping. Families are often inexplicably unfriendly at times. The slaphappy man then walks over to a regular engaging in a baseball cap fight that no one wins. This gravelly limestone parking lot has stories to tell. Mere feet from the Faith Tabernacle Assembly of God, apparently the sinners have engaged in decades of friendly, yet occasionally final last calls. Tales of domestic violence here are as thick as the head on the dollar beers. Like most dive bars, JD's has something of a tidal life. Early hours ebb with locals and old-timers. Lunchtime buzzes with lawn maintenance workers and boat repairmen. The late hours are punctuated with rowdy nights of Karaoke. Knife fights are not regularly scheduled events.
Tillie's Place5325 W. Ingraham St., Port Tampa
813-837-9711
Vikings. This place makes me think of Vikings. Before you even walk into the door, the sounds of hearty, good-natured laughter flow through the doors like a boat wake. From baseball caps to do-rags, the Tillie's crowd is one fun-filled gang. Bright green like a visored accountant's boozy hallucination, Tillie's doesn't fit the standard dive criterion of "seedy" as much as it fills the bill as being out of the way. It is on the way to Picnic Island, before the mines by a railroad track. Weekends kick off with a cookout and an well-attended horseshoe tournament. I am in here but seconds when one of the locals yells across the bar, "Are you Indian?" I reply, "Choctaw." "Me, too," replies a chorus from around the bar. More than family joint, Tillie's is a place the tribe hangs, chewing the spiritual Pemmican.
Hennessey's Bar & Grill27 Forest Lakes Blvd., Oldsmar
813-854-2255
The walls of Hennessey's are so thick with nicotine that even my three-pack-a-day friend becomes woozy. The secret is to simply take deep breaths and get a drink pronto. Full of Formica tables and chatter, this bar is a schizophrenic mix of types. The tinted windows have faint scratches that allow only small tendrils of light to get through the smoke. This biker-friendly spot also attracts Tampa Bay Downs horse track habitues. As my jockey fetish remains unfulfilled, I appreciate the horse pictures covering the wall and the pictorial shrines to their compact, masterful riders. Here I could meet a man to cross the finish line with. For others, the cheap, heavy-handed cocktails merit even a cross-county drive just for happy hour.
Other Recommended Dives:
Chattaway, 358 22nd Ave. S., St. Petersburg, 727-823-1594
Liquor Warehouse, 4023 W. Gandy Blvd., Tampa, 813-837-8941
Crows Nest Lounge, 1547 S. Dale Mabry, Tampa, 813-258-3880
American Heritage, 2950 W. Hillsborough Ave., Tampa, 813-872-6283
Bullfrog Creek Bar & Lounge, 11210 U.S. 41 S., Gibsonton, 813-677-6721
Duffy's Tavern, 3901 Gulf Drive N., Holmes Beach, 941-778-2501
This article appears in May 17-24, 2001.