A Gallery of Sons of Bitches, Assholes, etc.

The July issue of Esquire has a funny and insightful series of stories on epithets, with an intro by Roy Blount Jr. pining for the return of “son of a bitch” over “asshole.”

The package's last feature is a hilarious flow chart called “A Taxonomy of Epithets,” and runs on a continuum from More Respectable to Less Respectable, giving examples of each. Here’s a taste, starting with the Most Respectable. After a consulting with my asshole colleagues, I've added a local name (in bold) to each category. Of course, we welcome any and all nominations to the list — local or otherwise.

Son of a Bitch: Jack Nicholson, Alec Baldwin, Bob Dylan, Bill Parcels, Vladimir Putin. Jon Gruden.

Prick: Rudy Giuliani, Bill Maher, New York Yankees. Steve Duemig.

Asshole: Bill Belichick, Barry Bonds, Mitt Romney. Hulk Hogan.

Nutjob: Larry King, Ty Pennington. Bill Keller.

Jamoke: Matthew McConaughey, Jimmy Kimmel, Charlie Sheen. Schnitt

Jackass: Carlos Mencia, Kid Rock, Brett Michaels. Buddy Johnson.

Windbag: Bill O’Reilly, Tim Robbins, Hannity. Omali Yeshitela.

Twit: Ryan Seacrest, Ira Glass. Don Germaise.

Putz: Wesley Snipes, Eliot Spitzer. Paul Tash.

Knob: Dane Cook, Rob Schneider, Dr. Phil. Brian Blair.

About The Author

Eric Snider

Eric Snider is the dean of Bay area music critics. He started in the early 1980s as one of the founding members of Music magazine, a free bi-monthly. He was the pop music critic for the then-St. Petersburg Times from ‘87-’93. Snider was the music critic, arts editor and senior editor of Weekly Planet/Creative...
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