Bleepin': Worst 5 movies to watch in TV-edited versions

1. Glengarry Glen Ross — Ed Harris doesn't even appear in the TV version. (Richard Roma: Ohhh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead.)

2. Casino — Might not be so bad if they didn't have a bad imitation of DeNiro dubbing his lines.

3. Smokey and the Bandit — Thoroughly massacres the profanity-laden performance by the late Jackie Gleason, who was (we will go to our graves believing) snubbed by Oscar voters that year.

4. The Big Lebowski — the phrase "Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?" becomes "Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?" (Shut the fuck up, Donnie.)

5. Scarface — the phrase "So where'd you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin' pussy?" becomes "So where'd you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin' pineapple?"

— Posted by PoHo on Sept. 21, 2006 at 05:23 PM

I suppose this comment applies to all Tarantino films in general, but both halves of Kill Bill has been playing on TNT lately and man they cut the heart out of these movies. I caught Vol. 1 for a few minutes tonight. The Bride's unfortunate treatment at the hands of disturbed orderly Buck and subsequent escape from the hospital in the "Pussy Wagon" must have given whoever cut the film for TV a few sleepless nights.

Nice little digital clean up making it the "Party Wagon," however.

— Posted by: Joe Bardi | September 21, 2006 at 11:52 PM

Another TNT evisceration — The Matrix. I didn't even know there were many (any?) profanities in the flick until I heard the inane lines substituted for them.

— Posted by: Scott Harrell on Sept. 25, 2006 at 03:27 PM

Bye-Bye Morning Muffin

The winner of our Best of the Bay award for Best Morning Muffin (Human) called this morning to thank us for the award and to deliver some bad news: this is her last week at NewsChannel 8.

AM traffic anchor Denise Moore said Channel 8 execs are moving in a different direction and have cut her, and her employer, Metro Traffic, loose. Moore said doesn't know where she will be on-air next.

— Posted by PoHo on Sept. 25, 2006 at 09:45 AM

Max Linn vs. the evil FCATman

There's a strong entrant in the funniest political commercial category, the latest from Reform candidate Max Linn. It is a smartly made cartoon that riffs on Florida's controversial FCAT test. A white students asks why he flunked the test with 52 questions right when his classmate — clearly Hispanic — passed with 52 questions right. The evil FCATman answers that he got the wrong questions wrong and points to a testing machine with the name Diebold clearly evident (a snide attack that also plays to the black box voting gang, who hate the touch-screen manufacturer).

Of course, a cartoon Max Linn busts through the walls of the school to save the day, destroying the Dieblod machine with lasers from his eyes. Linn then dispatches FCATman and asks why Florida doesn't simply put more money into its struggling public schools instead of giving it away in vouchers.

The ad was created by a progressive media consultant out of San Francisco, Bad Monkey Studios, which has done work for Dean for American and Greenpeace. You can see it at maxlinn.com/fcat.html.

— Posted by PoHo on Sept. 21, 2006 at 11:42 AM

Blurbex is the blog of Creative Loafing Tampa staffers. Check it out online at www.blurbex.com.

This article appears in Sep 27 – Oct 4, 2006.