An open letter to Daryush “Roosh V” Valizadeh

Hey, pro-rape guy. I’m a teacher; and, in this course we call LIFE, I’d like to offer you a bit of unsolicited feedback.

Because I can. Don’t worry — I won’t step outside my sex role, as you deem it. I have plenty of eggs should I want to bear a child.

I’ve reviewed your blog. In your mission statement, you say you’d like to “usher the return of the masculine man in a world where masculinity is being increasingly punished and shamed in favor of creating an androgynous and politically-correct society that allows women to assert superiority and control over men.” One, I’m pretty sure that androgyny and political correctness are still, basically, mutually exclusive; and, two, it’s basically still politically incorrect to allow women to assert anything.

I suggest that you, after asking someone to teach you about sex, read up on the resistance to Planned Parenthood.

You claim many of your posts are satire, including a post in which you argue for the legalization of rape. Satire is a literary technique employed to ridicule or criticize the views or beliefs of others. Who are you ridiculing? And to defend your use of satire, you allude to Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” where he writes about how the wealthy should eat poor children. You say no one took him seriously, so why would anyone take you seriously. Swift also said,

“Principally I hate and detest that animal called man.”

Try reading more.

In the “About” section of your blog, you claim, in your own words, that “Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men.” Does your definition of masculinity include a 36-year-old man who lives in his mother’s basement?

Also, you do know that you aren’t supposed to capitalize “of,” right?

I have numerous concerns about the section titled “ROK Community Beliefs.” You write, “Testosterone is the biological cause for masculinity. Environment changes that reduce the hormone’s concentration in men will cause them to be weaker and more feminine.” Women have testosterone, too. And I’d double-check this whole hormone-climate change business.

Later, you write about the “promotion of unlimited mating choice in women.” Huh?

I don’t suggest that you visit a Tutoring Center, or even a Health Center, where the first three visits are free. I’m simply going to ask you to refrain from thinking. Be less cerebral. Instead of posting articles called “14 Celebrities with Weird body parts” (again, what is going on with the capitalization?), play with yourself, your manhood, if you will, to see how powerful you actually are.

My guess? You’re just a guy. It’s just a penis. Small or large, just a penis. Not a scepter.

You do know queens can possess as much power as kings.

I, myself, am just a plain old citizen, but, like you, also a writer. I will leave you with this, a little haiku. Consider it a laurel.

If you would have come

Last week to Curtis Hixon,

You’d be a eunuch.

You’re welcome. 

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