Another school threat, more guns stolen from unlocked cars, the world's most expensive purple nurple

Yep, that's what we said.

Another school threat, more guns stolen from unlocked cars, the world's most expensive purple nurple
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One last look at yesterday's news, then you can pretend to work until lunch.

It has been zero days since a West Central Florida student has been arrested for threatening to shoot up a school on social media. This time is was — *shakes dice* — a 16-year-old, in Polk County, on Instagram. Dear kid, yeah, we were pretty sure it was a joke, but we still need to go ahead and make sure you ruined your life over it, just to be safe. Funny, huh?

Speaking of the potentially tragic results of stupid decisions, Pasco County deputies are trying to track down three firearms that were stolen from unlocked vehicles in Wesley Chapel. Because it is every American's inalienable right to both own a gun and be completely irresponsible.

And finally, a jury awarded a former Polk County high school student $125,000 after he claimed his nipple was permanently damaged when a Kathleen High School football coach grabbed and twisted it. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the world's most expensive purple nurple. Have a great Labor Day weekend.

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