Are you married and dating?

Do you divulge the fact that you are married?  Can I hook up on the first date?  So many questions with the potential of a myriad of responses.

Even as swinger I am confused about the married but dating lifestyle.  To me, dating is drinks, dinner, entertaining.  If someone asks just me out on a date without my husband, that person is potentially wanting to find something more than a fuck buddy.  The term relationship comes to mind and I already have one of those.  Anything more than a fuck is more than I am willing to offer anyone, but my husband.  Occasionally I may form a friendship but in general the relationship is with a couple and does not include regular dates.

Tons of websites cater to the married but dating crowd. and are a couple of popular sites created for the "I'm attached but looking" crowd.  Although many of those registered on these sites are cheating, there are some that are out there searching for dates with the complete support of their significant other.

Are you looking for a date or are you looking for a hook up.  While dating may include a hook up, a hook up doesn't necessarily include a date.  Is it cheating to date with permission while being committed to someone else?  Is it only called cheating when you do this without permission.  All these questions hurt my head.

I asked my fans if they believed if dating while married with permission was cheating.  All of the facebook, twitter, and email responses were a resounding NO.  There is no permissive cheating. If you say it's ok, then it's ok. Cheating by definition is a dishonest act.  Does this make married and dating an honest, recreational activity?  One responder stated "does cheating have a meaning anymore?" For some it doesn't.  Cheating is everywhere.  Depending on how you label it, the relationships of today are far different than they were for most of our parents.

The rules of relationships are  no longer cut and dry.  Marriage, commitment, and lifestyle has so many various definitions that no one meaning can define anyone. Married and dating, swinger, poly, nudist, cheater, socially bisexual - it's all something different, something probably worth exploring if you are just a vanilla guy or girl.

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While most swingers may consider their lifestyle a dating lifestyle; typically swingers go on dates with their spouses.  Another growing trend in the great world of alternative lifestyles is married but dating.  Many will call this a poly-type relationship.  I view a poly relationship as someone that you may see often and not a random hook up.  I'm sure there will be many who disagree with this definition, but this is my view.

I frequently receive emails with questions of how to date while married.  Do you tell the other person your real name?

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