Bad Enough That the State Gets Screwed . . .

Share on Nextdoor

Even worse are the Floridians who have figured out how to make millions of bucks in the process. And even worse than that is the fact that, while you're getting screwed, and while they're making the bucks, they're claiming that they're doing you a favor. The St. Petersburg Times  yesterday and today
published a long investigation of wetlands policy, concluding that something over half of all the wetland that is supposed to be saved by the elaborate scheme of "environmental banking" is not saved at all, but that a majority of the environmental banks set up to save wetlands have made their founders rich. Also running in the background for months now around the state: mortgage frauds under the guise of moving hard-to-unload properties and feeding the rise in home prices. Also coming home to roost: the big-ticket touch-screen voting machines that were sold to elections officials to clear up that 2000 mess but having only a tiny fraction of the security checks present in, say, casino slot machines. The Florida Formula: E$ (the ease of scamming public money to fix a public problem) is equal to P to the exponent RG (the public problem to the power of the rapidity of its growth) times the quantity O + A with O being the general obscurity of the issue and A being the arcaneness of the computer code or the legal language in the state or federal law that governs the problem times 1 over DiffE where DiffE is the difficulty that a public official will have claiming with a straight face that he's serving the public good (with 1 being "very, very, very easy" and any other number being impractical) with the whole thing divided by the quantity 1 minus the number of crusaders in Florida capable of keeping up with the scammers (with that number assumed to be 0, unless demonstrated otherwise) [St. Petersburg Times] [Miami Herald on mortgage fraud] [Tampa Tribune on
election machines

Well, At Least the F State's Dog Pounds Can Do Lethal Injections
In fact, lots of people can handle it. (Think, oh, John Belushi.) But
apparently not the gentlemen and the nurse at Raiford. In fact, the
California federal judge that halted that state's injections on Friday asked
the state rhetorically why it couldn't just give the guy an anesthetic, like
they do with animals? Florida's anti-death-penalty people seem to be very
unhappy that Angel Diaz died in anything less than the throes of orgasm
instead of in more or less the same pain as his victim. [New York Times]

Outta Control!
A former vice mayor of Naples, Gary Galleberg, and his wife were apparently
failing to control their 4-yr-old urchin at a restaurant, in that the girl
was disturbing, through a window, two women dining next to them. One of them
stormed over and asked unpleasantly if the girl would stop. Galleberg, on
his way out after finishing the meal, dropped in on the ladies and hocked a
gob somewhere onto their table (the exact landing spot is in dispute). He
was arrested for the spitting, but neither he nor his wife faces even a
police citation for their parental laziness. [Naples Daily News]

Gov. Bush of course has found state funds to hire a private law
firm to defend the contempt-of-court charges against his outgoing Dept. of
Children and Families Secretary, even though Florida's mental health
spending is 48th in the country and even though one of Bush's first great
ideas when he took office was closing down one of the state's four mental
hospitals, to save money. [Tampa Tribune]

Is There Anyone in Florida Who Doesn't Have Child Porn?
Prominent Orlando construction company president William Irey, who has done
several major Disney projects, was charged with making some bad, bad child
porn in Asia and bringing it back here. [WFTV (Orlando)]

Your Daily Loser
Guilty-by-Mugshot (no trial needed): Matthew Hoots was charged in Port
Charlotte with badly abusing his 2-month-old daughter [WBBH-TV (Fort

More Things To Worry About Today
Jacksonville city councilman Art Shad checked into drug rehab for his
Vicodin habit [] . . . . . What Daytona Beach's
Christopher Culp, 20, would (allegedly) do for $40 cocaine money: well,
strangle his grandmother and slit her throat [WKMG-TV (Orlando)] . . . . .
The sheriff's office in St. Augustine will now automatically send you an
e-mail, if you want, every time a registered sex offender moves to within a
mile of your home [] . . . . . Tommy Johnson of Melbourne
has no record of his birth and no living relative (that he knows of), so
does he exist? (A Social Security guy is trying to help him.) [Florida Today
via South Florida Sun-Sentinel
] . . . . . As if Burmese pythons didn't have
enough defenses against predators, but Everglades park ranger Leon Howell
warns that if you try to pick them up, they'll automatically poop on you
[Associated Press via Daytona Beach News-Journal] . . . . . Well, maybe this
Angel Diaz thing does worry the animal euthanasia people: Someone
broke into the Manatee County kennel and rescued a pit bull that was on
death row [Associated Press via St. Petersburg Times].

Scroll to read more News Feature articles


Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.