Anyone who watches television knows how dangerous the world is today. Roving bands of drug-crazed ruffians could strike at any moment, shattering your peace of mind, stealing your possessions and leaving you broken, beaten, possibly even dead.
What's a law-abiding citizen to do? Count on the police? Hah! Just criminals with a badge. One word: Waco. The government will take your children and burn you alive in your bed if you're not prepared to resist.
That's why I developed Feminine Protection®, the ultimate personal security system. More than just alarms or weapons, Feminine Protection® is a way of life.
Thousands of satisfied customers can't be wrong.
Frequently asked questions:
Q: Hey, I'm a fellah, but I'm scared of hoodlums too. Is Feminine Protection® just for the ladies?
A: Absolutely not. Anyone can master our system. Even men. You can send your children to school with Feminine Protection® and never give a second thought to bomb threats or misfits with military-level firepower.
Say goodbye to fear
and hello to new peace of mind.
Call now. You're a sitting duck until you do.
Feminine Protection. We've got you covered.
Order Now! Supplies Are Limited!
Just 15 easy payments of $19.99 gets you the Feminine Protection® Starter Kit, complete with instructional video, patented Feminine Protection® defense and offense systems, ammunition and full-color catalog. Batteries not included.
Disclaimer: Possible side effects of Feminine Protection® include euphoria, itching, skin rash, drowsiness, headaches, dizziness, nausea, stomach cramps, uncontrollable sexual appetite, hair growth in unusual places, decreased paranoia and the tendency to howl at the moon and chase small furry creatures.
Ida Shotem, Duluth, Minnesota: "When my son Biff entered middle school, I was worried. The kids sometimes picked on him because he is different. So I gave him the Feminine Protection video and defense system. They won't let kids into school with the offensive system activated. Damn those powerful anti-gun lobbyists and their contributions to liberal politicians. They should all just be maimed and killed. Then they'd understand.
Biff may never date the homecoming queen. But with Feminine Protection®, he's no longer a moving target for jocks and hoods. I'm giving him Feminine Protection®'s offensive system for Christmas. Then we'll see who dances with him at the prom."
Eileen Dover, of Climax, New Jersey: "I used to be afraid everywhere I went. Even at home I didn't feel safe. With Feminine Protection®, I'm a new woman. I can sleep at night, knowing I'm not going to wake up with a knife at my throat and a hand on my goodies. Heck, with Feminine Protection® I sometimes walk in the alley at night just for fun. Who's gonna stop me? You? You wanna mess with me? Bring it on."