KNEEJERK RESPONSE: Police responding to a domestic violence complaint got some dubious answers. After being locked out of his home by his wife, a man kicked in the door and proceeded to terrorize her. When asked if he hit his wife, the man said, "I didn't hit her, I shoved her into a wall." The man also claimed "It was self defense," and that his wife had attacked him with both "that little ol' rifle of her daddy's. I think it's a .22," and a "Dirty Harry Pistol." And when marijuana was found in his pocket, he was careful to explain, "That's hers, I took it to keep her out of trouble." Good lookin' out for the missus.

FREE AT LAST: A woman committed through the Baker Act recently walked out of Tampa General Hospital after her restraints were left undone and she was left unattended. Police attempted to contact the woman's ex-husband, only to later realize that she had filed a restraining order against him. Fortunately, the woman was found safe at home.

THAT'S NOT MINE! Police found a man sleeping in his car and busted him for DUI and possession of cocaine. Two cops searched the man before he was placed in a police car for transportation to "central breath testing." After confiscating the blow, they found nothing further. When the cops pulled the guy out of the car, one of them found a bag of marijuana in the crack of the back seat. Either this guy managed to buy weed while in a moving cop car, or the officers may want to revisit the part of the manual that covers frisking.

WHY BOTHER? "The marijuana was tested in a field test kit and found to be positive for marijuana." Imagine that.

WHAT'S IN A NAME: After citing a man for violating the open container law, police discovered that he had a fondness for aliases. The guy had used over 20, including the imaginative John Doe, the infamous Tommy Lee (Does Pam know?) and the misspelled Tommmy Lee.

SOLID LOGIC: After responding to a domestic violence call, cops began to question the injured woman's story, as it conflicted with the statements of her boyfriend and another friend who was there. When the cops directly questioned inconsistencies in her story, "she said no one can prove that is not what happened so she is not worried about it." That should clear up any questions of credibility.

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