All swingers have rules within the lifestyle. Rules are what make swinging doable (yes pun was intended!!). Soccer Dad and I have gone somewhat past the basic swinger lifestyle and have dabbled a bit in an open marriage. You might wonder how is this actually different. We are having sex with others, isn't that open? It's actually not. Typically swingers share their experiences together. That might mean sharing one bed with another couple and swapping, maybe its having drinks and dinner with a couple and then following up by having sex - in the same room. Sometimes couples, myself included, venture to separate rooms for sex. Where do solo events fit into any of these scenarios?
I have discussed some of my midday rendevous in previous blogs. Sometimes I need to work off a little workday frustrations early on in the day and sometimes well, I'm just plain horny. My husband and I have an understanding about these situations and he actually enjoys hearing the details.
Today I am sitting at work and Soccer Dad calls me. Can I see Monica for lunch? I am thinking, did he just ask permission to have sex with Monica? When I have sex with another guy, I don't ask I just do. It's an impulse for me. I square up later with Soccer Dad, but I don't let him know what I am doing at the moment. Part of the excitment for me is not planning. Asking prior permission requires planning which is not part of my equation.
Soccer Dad has had a few rendevous without my prior knowledge and that is perfectly ok, but this time was different. He felt the need to ask permission. Was this because he felt guilty about what he was doing? No, I don't think so. He asked out of respect because she is a friend, of both of us. She is part of a couple that we have had sex with on and off for several years.
How does one deal with knowing that at this very moment your spouse is have sex with someone else while you are sitting in the breakroom eating a turkey sandwich? The answer to this is quite simple, I don't think much about it. I don't dwell on it, I don't worry about it, and it doesn't bother me. We are married, he is coming home to me, his love is for me, so why not?
Many people can't comprehend the notion of sharing a spouse. I don't understand why people like roller coasters. I can't pretend to love opera. This doesn't mean I am going to analyze how or why. People have different views about everything in the world. Sometimes those ideas come from how you were raised and other concepts are learned as one grows. Swinging was never part of anything learned so the rules have to be made up as you go along.