I'm a male with submissive tendencies, and my wife decides when I get to orgasm. We have sex regularly, but she only lets me ejaculate occasionally. She finds that I'm more attentive to her now that we're doing "orgasm denial," and I get to scratch my submissive itch. Ain't life grand?
Here's my question: I enjoy pushing the limits, and I've gone as long as six weeks without release. (We use a CB-6000 chastity cage on my cock so I won't succumb in a moment of weakness.) But I'm a little concerned about the effects on my prostate. After several weeks of denial, I leak precome when aroused. I've read that recent studies showed that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Am I putting myself at greater risk by ejaculating so infrequently? Can you ask your medical expert?
Loving Orgasms And Denial Every Day
"We still have very little idea what might cause or prevent prostate cancer," says Dr. Barak Gaster, associate professor of medicine at the University of Washington and our resident medical expert. "There are some clues — red meat, probably bad; vegetables, probably good; vitamin E, probably not helpful — but we're really still in the dark." And while most studies have shown frequent ejaculation to be good for prostate health, one recent study out of the U.K. showed the exact opposite.
So what should you do? Rely on the best-available study, advises Gaster. "[That study] followed U.S. men for eight years and found that those with the most ejaculations per month (more than 20) had a 30 percent lower risk of prostate cancer compared to those who were having fewer per month (about five)." But there is good news in the study for you, LOADED: "The 5 percent of men who reported having zero to three per month appeared to have a lower risk for prostate cancer as well," said Gaster. "The caveat is that this group was too small to make definite conclusions about them. But it looks like coming more than 20 times a month could be good for you in terms of prostate cancer, but it's unlikely that coming very little, like zero to three times per month, is necessarily bad for you compared to coming once or twice a week."
So ejaculate frequently, guys, or ejaculate rarely, because it would appear that moderation in pursuit of prostate health is no virtue.
My wife of three years has a problem with me masturbating. At one point, we made a deal that I wouldn't do it while she's in the house. That would be just fine with me, except that she is rarely out of the house without me. Our sex is really, really great, but I'm pretty horny and I like to masturbate once in a while. She says that she feels like I'm cheating on her. About a year ago, I DID cheat on her — yes, I'm an idiot — and maybe this is my punishment, but I've always needed to masturbate a lot. I do it to relieve stress and sometimes just because I get horny and I want to stop being horny in a minute or two so that I can concentrate on something else. This just doesn't have very much to do with her, and I feel stupid trying to justify myself to her on this matter. How do you think I should resolve this situation?
Jerk Off
When someone you love is irrational and controlling about some aspect of your private life that doesn't involve or affect her — say, your masturbatory routine, JO — you have two options:
First, you can waste a lot of time and energy trying to talk her out of being irrational and controlling and idiotic. That approach is unlikely to make things better, and it could make matters worse: "Gee, you must really love to beat off without me around, seeing as you're really going to the mat for this."
Your second, and far superior, option is to tell her what she wants to hear — "For you, I won't masturbate" — and then beat off when you want to or when you need to and lie about it. Beat off on the kitchen table when she's out of the house; slip away for 10 minutes to take a "crap" or a "nap" when she's home. So long as you're an attentive lover and you're not neglecting her needs, and so long as you're not inconsiderately leaving evidence all over the place (wash out your own crusty come socks), feel free to work around her irrationality with a little harmless deceit.
This article appears in Apr 15-21, 2009.