Controlled porn: Saving our sons


Of the 99 things I worry about as a parent, teenage erectile dysfunction due to unfettered internet porn access ain’t one. But according to Time Magazine’s recent cover story, “Porn: Why young men who grew up with Internet porn are becoming advocates for turning it off,” it should be.

The gist is that male teens and pre-teens who consume porn online multiple times a day throughout their adolescence and into their young adulthood — while, of course, pleasuring themselves to the stylings of hairless vulvas attached to uber-horny idealized females — end up setting themselves up for failure when it’s time for the big game. (Pardon the specific vulva reference, but the article only addressed heterosexual pre-teen porn addicts.) 

Long story short, for some young men, it messes with the reward centers of the brain so that sexual arousal, i.e. erections, are only possible with porn, even when there is a real, live, naked and willing person in the room.

Used to be, I just worried about my kids getting a girl accidentally pregnant or acquiring an STD. Now I have to worry about their ability to perform, too. That’s not cool; it's not a mother’s place. But we parents want our children to be normal, happy and well-adjusted above all else, and teenage boys with limp dicks ain’t that.

I guess maybe I was a little naive about porn, and how much men and teens actually use it. But I’m realizing now, as a mother of two boys in the internet/smartphone age, that I’m going to have to be more savvy about it. That’s why my husband and I came up with a plan:

Controlled Porn.

We figure that, while there is no way around the boys getting an eyeful of some of the worst the internet has to offer at the tender age of 11-13 (according to the Time article, that’s the average age porn makes its debut in the lives of boys), we need to counteract all those unrealistic encounters with some good old-fashioned '70s and '80s full-bush-and-tan-line-era Playboys and Penthouses.

You know, the classy stuff.

By “controlled” porn, we mean we’ll “hide” those magazines, so the boys can stumble upon them when they’re searching through our stuff like all kids eventually do.

Our goal is for our children to be aroused by people they’re attracted to mentally and physically, and not require a freak show or, worse, acts of aggression towards women in order to find sexual fulfillment — things that can be rampant in contemporary internet porn.

Even though they’ll still have some access to online smut — we can’t always be with our kids — at least with exposure to classic pornographic images, maybe they stand a chance to just be normal kids who whack off in the bathroom to a magazine fold-out of a pair of pretty boobs, a come-hither look, and,  I’ll say it again, a worthy bush — like so many generations of young men before them who did not suffer from chronic wangular softitude.

The things we do for our children, am I right? 

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