CRAZIEST IDEAS FOR PRISON NUTRITION

TIE: Cutting calories & “Management Loaf”

Local State senator and penny-pincher Victor Crist had a swell idea for cutting costs in Florida’s Department of Corrections. He proposed slashing inmates’ fish sticks and tater tots from 3,200 calories to 2,700 calories per day. That’s despite the fact that a 5-foot-9 male who weighs 160 pounds and exercises an hour a day requires more than 2,900 calories. Ya think most inmates are 5-9, 160? Cutting-edge prison entrepreneurs immediately switched from sexual slavery, toilet gin and cigarettes to pudding and PB&J. Then again, it might be easier to increase the use of “Management Loaf,” a diabolical tool that prison officials dole out to those lucky inmates who — often in solitary confinement — refuse to cooperate fully with the guards. The prison kitchen takes leftovers and untouched foods of all varieties and mashes them together, slaps the resulting concoction (which one prison worker described as “chunky vomit”) in a loaf pan and bakes it into a solid, over-cooked mess of calories. The loaf is usually served cold and prisoners have reported that it causes “gastric distress, cramps, diarrhea and bloating.” Funny, that’s how we feel whenever we hear Victor Crist’s new ideas.

Scroll to read more News Feature articles
Join the Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state.
Help us keep this coverage going with a one-time donation or an ongoing membership pledge.

Newsletters

Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at [email protected]