Cynical and Southern: Why do I text assholes after midnight?

In fairy tales at the stroke of midnight, Cinderella’s carriage turns into a pumpkin.  In Tampa, Florida, at the stroke of midnight, Jeremy Gloff’s integrity turns into a big pile of smelly shit.

There is a duality to my existence. When the sun is shining I feel fulfilled and well adjusted. I enjoy my job and my friendships.  It is when the clock strikes 12 that the transformation begins.  Dr. Jekyll turns into Mr. Hide-Your-Face-In-Public. It is around midnight that I begin to text and IM the assholes.

I had sex with a lot of those assholes once, pun somewhat intended. The sex wasn’t damaging, but the fact that they often ignore my IMs is.

This article appears in Aug 5-11, 2010.