I saw this promotional message on twitter recently: "Mean girls like me don't date losers like you." The message was accompanied by a phone sex number. Advertising like this always makes me wonder – is an unfounded sense of superiority and a willingness to be verbally abusive to strangers equivalent to being dominant?
The answer among BDSM "lifestylers" is a resounding no. In that part of the kink community the responsibilities of the dom are held to be of utmost importance. Sure, there is the occasional blustering asshat, and lots of folks whose behavior is human, i.e. not as perfect as their ideals, but the consensus is that the dominant partner in a relationship has the responsibility to see to the submissive's welfare. In other words, to give a damn about them.
But interestingly the answer among submissive men, as seen in their actual dating behaviors, is more ambiguous.
There are a certain percentage of guys who will readily admit that what they're looking for in a Mistress is
This article appears in Feb 24 – Mar 2, 2011.