The prick in the golf cart loudly yakking on his cell phone should be summoned by the waitress with a serious, "Asshole. Party of one. Asshole. Party of one." He's looking down on me as if I couldn't see the manly lack up his shorts from my pug view.
While I realize that pricks exist at all socioeconomic levels and I for one am uniquely sensitive to the notion of a "dog eat dog" world, this white-socked jock was taking the milk bone. I was standing outside Ozona Beach's Molly Goodhead's only to find that their little outside set-up no longer included yours truly. Despite the fact I am in coat and tails 24/7, I was getting the boot on a species issue.
While for centuries in China the pug could be owned only by the emperor, my status in Ozona was remarkably reduced. In fact, I had to spend the evening in the cool parking lot in the literal doghouse, sitting under the trees and watching the full moon rise.
If you're taking your pooch out to dine, call ahead. Some restaurants with patios and outside dining will slide you in when they aren't busy, but the restaurants I worship give dogs their due any time of the week.
The restaurant row of Davis Islands is the top place to let a dog have his day. Davis Boulevard has six sidewalk restaurants that are perfect for eating and eavesdropping on the strange peccadilloes of humankind:
Tate Brothers Pizza, 233-A E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-251-2767
Parmy Puffs and cheap, cold Budweiser rule here; say hello to Doc for me.
Grecian Isle Restaurant, 223 E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-251-2222
The waitresses love me; my two-legged checkbook likes the reasonable breakfast.
Estela's, 209 E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-251-0558
As a kept man, I see nothing ridiculous in fainting if I notice I'm being walked by this place without getting their Carne Asado.
Pink Flamingo, 210 E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-251-2928
Huge water bowls and complimentary milk bones while you wait.
Rick's Italian Cafe, 214 E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-253-3310
Go garlic knots; the required spinach-green bean side dish is inexplicable, but the garlic knots are redemptive.
Pipo's Latin Cafe, 238 E. Davis Blvd., Tampa
813-251-8100
Sangria, ropa vieja (shredded beef), fountain and the sounds of jazz make this my weekend hot spot.
These restaurants are dog friendly too if you have a friendly dog:
The Garden, 217 Central Ave., St. Pete
727-896-3800
The steak, the specials, the jazz, the after beach up-skirt view — need I say more?
Four Green Fields, 205 Platt St., Tampa
813-254-4444
While I'm strictly Budweiser, I like this Temple of Guinness; the Shepherd's Pie is made for two: a dog and his wallet-carrying friend.
Tangelo's Grill, 226 First Ave. N., St. Pete
813-894-1695
Go to the dogs with the roast pork and enjoy their avenue-side picnic tables.
Jeff's Desserts, 815 S. Rome Ave., Tampa
813-259-9866
Dine outside under an umbrella while checking out some high pedigree action.
Duffy's Tavern, 3901 Gulf Drive, Holmes Beach
941-778-2501
Many beachside restaurants are pooch compatible; this one has a lone bench but the infamous hamburgers and ice-cold Budweiser make it worth going down market.
Moon Under Water, 332 Beach Drive N.E., St. Petersburg
727-896-6160
Though noted for its ales, I like the friendly pub atmosphere; best place to pass the much referred to "dog day afternoon."
Limey's (used to be the Cockney Rebel), 1492 Fourth St. N.
727-895-2049
On Sundays see the infamous beer-drinking dog; I did and he whipped me like a three-legged cat.
—Research by RhondaK and Tony Jackson
This article appears in May 17-24, 2001.