Perfect if:
• You're fond of Old Florida schtick.
• You prefer low-tech and lo-fi.
• You think imagination should play a major role in recreation.
• For you, nothing can be too cornball.
Stop one: Girls with tails
What would Florida be without tourist attractions devoted entirely to fictitious characters? Move over, Harry Potter; the Weeki Wachee mermaids have been stoking fantasies since before you were born. The finny performers' Fish Tails show offers a fun overview of Weeki Wachee's history with video and music from the 1950s and 1960s, along with a patriotic finale to, of course, Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be An American." In each show, a swimmer demonstrates the depth of the spring by diving to the bottom while holding her breath for more than two minutes. The stunt is presented in sync with a 1950s newsreel of a mermaid performing the same maneuver. The narrator also explains that the park's waters are pumped from a natural spring at a cool 72-74 degrees, which also can be enjoyed kayaking, canoeing or on a narrated river boat cruise. See bald eagles, cranes, cypress trees and the occasional manatee and deer. Or, you can splash around at Buccaneer Bay — a mini-waterslide park minus the chlorine. Other features include a kids' play area and animal shows. Mermaid shows are at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. 6131 Commercial Way, Weeki Wachee, 352-592-5656, $13 for park only and $26 for park and Buccaneer Bay, weekiwachee.com.
Also along the way: Spring Hill Fun Zone features old-fashioned kid fun with a game arcade, batting cages and mini-golf. 352-666-4653, springhillfunzone.com. Be sure to take a look at the three life-size dinosaur statues built in the 1960s on the west side of U.S. 19. One, by State Road 50, doubles as a car repair shop. Nearby eats: Pickled Parrot Night Club & Sports Bar, corner Of U.S. 19 and Northcliffe, 352-597-0707, suncoasthotspots.com/pickled_parrot.html.
Fin facts
• Weeki Wachee's star-studded history includes appearances by Elvis Presley, Esther Williams and Don Knotts, and more recently, it has been featured in a Larry the Cable Guy show and the Supergrass video, "Low C," which plays in the aquatic theater before mermaid shows.
• Before the age of mass media, mermaids used to wave in passers-by from the park entrance on U.S. 19.
• Former mermaids return to perform at the park Sat. and Sun., May 28-29.
• Friendly tip: There are no restrooms at the boat dock or in the mermaid theater. Pee at the park's main restroom before you go.
Stop two: You bet Jurassic
If life-size prehistoric reptile statues are your thing, Dinosaur World transports you and the kids back to prehistoric times via 150-plus life-size, ferocious and plant-eating replicas. See fabricated scenes of slaughter in a section devoted to dinosaurs conquering their prey, and check out the movie cave, museum (new one under construction), picnic area, playground and skeleton garden. Kids can participate in a fossil dig and take home real-life relics for an extra $2. The park offers a lush, Florida setting for adults and educational fun for kids. 5145 Harvey Tew Road, Plant City, I-4 at Exit 17, 813-717-9865, dinosaurworld.net.
Dino data
• Lesser-known extinct beasts like the Masosaur, an aquatic reptile that looks like a freaky cross between a gator and dino, are featured.
• The park was created by Swedish businessman Christer Svensson, and the Tampa location opened in 1998.
• Dinosaur models are to 80 feet in length and are made of fiberglass, steel and concrete
• Friendly tip: The park doesn't sell food. Bring a picnic or have pizza delivered.
Stop three: Go out for a Pass
Relive the past with tacky abandon at John's Pass. Tampa Bay's Key West-wannabe tourist haven is a turn-of-the-century shanty-style village with 100-plus souvenir shops, restaurants and tons of artificial, Old Florida goodness. It's where you can see the best and the worst of the past and present. An alligator show delights (or disgusts) on the second floor. Or you can browse a magic shop, see what vegetable ivory is about, buy one of thousands of T-shirts or play black-light miniature golf on the second floor. Our favorite souvenir find was a 1970s-style ceramic toilet-shaped ash tray that says, "Florida: Rest your ash here" at Ciega Bay. Out on the dock, check out the local fishing fleet, dolphin watching, shelling tours, boat rentals, parasailing and jet skiing.
Eats: Amid all the new corporate chainery — Hooters, Bubba Gump, et al. — you can still dine on fresh catch at the boardwalk's Friendly Fisherman restaurant, open since 1978. gofriendlyfisherman.com. Also recommended are Kohr Frozen Custard Family Ice Cream and DeLosa's Pizzeria's pies by the slice.
Lodgings: Can't get enough of the quaint old Florida vibe? Stay overnight at John's Pass Cottages. Call 727-224-5248 or e-mail info@thejohnspasscottages.com for details.
Pass it on
• The Pier Aquarium is moving to John's Pass. The new 11,500-square-foot facility, which more than triples the current exhibit space, is scheduled to open by the end of 2012.
• A group of John's Pass Village merchants has been raising money for a memorial to fishermen lost at sea. Visit floridafishermenlostatsea.com for details.
• Friendly tip: Parking can be tricky. Bring coins for parking meters or park at the multi-level parking garage adjacent to Bubba Gumps and Hubbard's Marina.
OR…
If you'd prefer to see the real Key West, take a … KEYcation!
This article appears in May 12-18, 2011.