Overrated Sacred Cows

Star Wars/Star Trek

These are kids' movies. If you are over 25 — alone on the couch pondering the historical significance of that time Captain Kirk kissed a black chick or the exact age of young Anakin — take a step back and re-evaluate your life. —JB

Tom Hanks

Let's review: Turner and Hooch. Punchline. Dragnet. Bonfire of the Vanities. The Ladykillers. Volunteers. And Hanks is supposed to be the great American film star of our time? (I take back Dragnet. I loved Pep Streebeck.) —WG

The Breakfast Club

"This movie explained my high school life," members of my '80s generation sigh. Yes, high school life is shallow and predictable, but nowhere near as predictable as preppie Molly Ringwald's eventual attraction to bad-boy Judd Nelson. "Don't You Forget About Me?" I'd be more than glad to. —Alex Pickett

Gone with the Wind

Four hours of an intolerable, narcissistic bitch slaveowner played by an overacting Vivien Leigh. When Rhett Butler finally walks out on her, I'm supposed to be sad? —Leilani Polk


Maybe it's a matter of style mirroring substance, but this plastic-surgery melodrama is just a little too pleased with itself — preening and posing its way through allegedly shocking subject matter and graphic surgical footage, but about as believable as Joan Rivers' latest facelift (and nowhere near as entertaining). Worst of all: Julian McMahon. Not hot. Can't act. —David Warner

Plan 9 from Outer Space as The Worst Movie Ever Made

Awarding this reprehensible '59 sci-fi/zombie/whatever-the-fuck-it-was-supposed-to-be abortion any superlative lends a sort of legitimacy it certainly doesn't deserve. The Worst Movie Ever Made should be endurable in its entirety, if only to howl with laughter and agree with the pronouncement, and Plan 9 isn't it, even at a scant 79 minutes. Like so many movies of its era, it's just unwatchably bad. I've got to agree with Stephen King on this one — 1953's Robot Monster is much worthier of the title and the notoriety. —SH

M*A*S*H, the TV Series

In its early years, M*A*S*H was better than most of the drivel on the tube. But the show was quickly overwhelmed by Alan Alda's ham-acting, Mike Farrell's super-sensitivity, the departures of McLean Stevenson and "Ferret-Face" Larry Linville, and Klinger reverting to men's clothing. What was once a funny take on Vietnam War angst turned into a morality play in olive drab. When M*A*S*H finally croaked to an end in 1983, the largest U.S. TV audience in history watched — to make sure it was being put out of its misery. —WG

The Wizard of Oz

Doesn't anyone else find this whole Oz thing a little creepy? The munchkins? Yeow. And Judy, Judy, Judy. Garland was 17 at the time of the movie, but she plays Dorothy like an insufferably cutesy 12. I know Oz is supposed to be some kind of holy cinematic text for gay men, but this gay man says it's spinach. —DW


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