Jose Gaspar's orders to his band of buccaneers as they sail into Tampa Bay: "Arr! Good work defeating the city wit' fireworks last Satarrday. Break out the rum an' let's get on arr floats an' throw some beads!"At 11:30 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 1, the eloquent Jose Gaspar leads a flotilla of marauding krewes from the South end of Hillsborough Bay north into Seddon Channel (between Davis Islands and Harbour Island).

Thousands of pleasure crafts accompany the Jose Gasparilla, which docks at the Tampa Convention Center at approximately 1:05 p.m.

The pirates of the 30 participating krewes then gather to celebrate their victory over the city with a parade. And if you live along Bayshore Boulevard between Bay to Bay Boulevard and the Platt Street Bridge, may the degenerate hordes have mercy on your landscaped lawn. Beginning at 1:45 p.m. at Bay to Bay, the Gasparilla Parade travels 3.5 miles up Bayshore and into downtown. The parade — a famous occasion for people to drink and act lewd — totals 14 marching bands and more than 90 floats. What is it about cheap plastic bead necklaces thrown from passing parade floats that cause inebriated southerners to go berserk? Blame it on the spirit of Jose Gaspar. Keep your shirts on, ladies. It's only a bunch of Tampa lawyers.

Gaspar ain't done yet, though. He hooked up a deal with Southwest Airlines to sponsor Pirate Fest, a rowdy street festival in downtown Tampa running from 11 a.m. until 11 p.m. There are two music stages, rides, games and (beer) vendors. The entertainment is as follows:

Gasparilla Invasion Stage (corner of Platt Street and Bayshore Boulevard)

Cheeky Monkey 11 a.m.-12:15 p.m.

Thunder Road 12:45-2 p.m.

Diamond Gray 4:30-6 p.m.

Gasparilla Pirate Fest Stage (corner of Florida Avenue and Brorein Street)

DJ Structure and Matt the Bratt 6-6:30 p.m.

Dyshon & Squabble 6:30-6:45 p.m.

Prymary Colors 7-7:15 p.m.

Nivea 7:30-7:45 p.m.

Angie Martinez 8-8:15 p.m.

Mario 8:30-8:45 p.m.

Naughty by Nature 9-9:45 p.m.