The promise of cheese-on-a-stick, midway rides spinning me into a state of catatonic-nausea and ex-con carnies harassing me to win deformed stuffed animals would have to wait. … at least until after I got my fill of the Roller Derby State Championship at the FL State Fairgrounds.
Anne Tagonize, president of the Tampa Bay Derby Darlings, smuggled Zach, Kelly and me through the riot-style security gates for a rink-side view of the action. Outfitted in hot-purple and black, the local favorite, The Tampa Tantrums, were battling their way to a state title. Dueling announcers — half sportscasters and half strip-club MCs — gave the play-by-play. The Tantrums' unstoppable jammer, Battle Axe, racked up points by lapping opposing blockers who were covered in tattoos, pads and bruises. Risqué nicknames were plastered on skaters: Mission Mary Position, Cutthroat Darling, Busty Bruiser, Cornfed (stretched across gold booty shorts) and The Great Wall of Jina (a name I'm still trying to wrap my mind around). Even the refs had distinct personalities. One was dressed in a kilt, and another, Hoosier Daddy, employed a few moves from his profession as a break-dance skater.
This article appears in Feb 27 – Mar 4, 2008.