—Kelli K
THE BIG BLOW
Hurricane Preparedness
Every year, newspapers and television anchors tell us how to prepare for hurricanes. You know the drill: stock up on water, batteries, prescriptions and food you don't have to microwave; gas up the car; tape up the windows; get the hell out of low-lying areas; yada yada. And most people ignore the advice until a big 'un is already blowing the lawn chairs into the pool. Then they converge on the local stores, clawing their way through the crowds, and pick the shelves clean. Why not try something different this year? Each time you go to the store this summer, buy one or two items for your hurricane stash. If you do it right, you won't end up fighting your best friend for that last fistful of dry cake mix or paying $50 for a jug of sludgy water. In fact, if you have to evacuate, and you've got the goods, you won't have to sleep on the gym floor with your wallet stuffed in your underpants for safekeeping. You'll be welcome at any house on high ground where that freezer full of Healthy Choice frozen dinners is already starting to stink. Here's how to prepare: First, do I even have to tell you that water is the most important thing to have? Buy an extra jug and stash it every time you go to the store. Also buy: Lots of cookies, crackers, chips and dried fruit. Unopened bags stay fresh for months and can be used for bartering. Peanut butter, jelly, olive oil, vinegar, and canned tuna, beans and veggies that taste OK cold, like beets and corn. (Don't forget a hand-powered can opener.) Couscous, used by desert nomads for ease of preparation, is a pasta that you only have to add hot water to and cover for five minutes. Lots of red wine, whiskey and rum, all of which taste good warm. Since there's no electricity, you probably can't work, so you might as well kick back. Wooden matches, candles, charcoal and lighter fluid, and a Sterno stove with Sterno. Extra ammo. If things get really bad, you might have to defend your stash against roving bands of hungry suburbanites or snag a squirrel for Sunday dinner.Right around the middle of November, if the storms have passed you by, you can donate the stuff to the food bank, have a party or quit your hated job and live off your stash till you find decent employment.
—Susan 'Survivor" Edwards
LUSH SLUSH
Frozen Drink Competition
Cold beer is the nectar of summer. But even cold beer can get old (no, really, it occasionally can), and you can't walk around on a broiling afternoon with a bottle of rum in one hand and a shot glass in the other. Not because it makes you look like the world's lamest pirate wannabe, but because you'll get dehydrated, silly. What you need is some fruity goodness to go along with that diversion from chilled cans and bottles, and the minimal nourishment such accoutrements provide.Why go for the usual margaritas, rum runners, hurricanes and daiquiris? You're a creative person. An idea person. Sure, that whole vodka/Jagermeister/grape juice concoction didn't go over too well when you thought it up back in college, but that's no reason not to get back on the horse. Remember: Finely chopped ice forgives all miscalculations.
