ERNESTO
Another case for securing our porous borders.
PLAME LEAKER
Book says Richard Armitage was original source. Raise your hand if you care any more.
REGIONAL TRANSIT FIX
Planners refuse to rule out "robotically piloted taxis like in that movie where Schwarzenegger goes to Mars."
PARAMOUNT DROPS TOM CRUISE
Scientology follows studio's lead, declares "He's too weird even for us."
VIEIRA'S VIEW
Meredith on her old show: "It sort of became a joke." Became? Sort of?
SURVIVOR
Tribes to be split along racial lines, show renamed Survivor: New Orleans.
PRE-SEASON FOOTBALL
The sporting world's equivalent to methadone.
PLUTO DEMOTED
Insert Uranus joke here.
CONAN'S EMMY PLANE CRASH
Hey, Conan, leave the insensitive and tasteless jokes to us!
KEITH RICHARDS SMOKING INVESTIGATION
Busting Stones guitarist for ciggies onstage in Scotland is kinda like getting Al Capone on tax evasion charges.
KATHERINE HARRIS ON SIN
"You know we're covered with, our sins are covered with His blood and so we are blameless before Him. We are as white as snow." Actual quote.
