Barely a month ago, Rev. Pat was telling his 700 Club that God had spoken to him recently and had dished that there would be a terrorist attack on the U.S. this yr, with "mass killing." Rev. Pat, you recall, is also a noted meteorologist, having predicted hurricanes for Orlando in 1998 after that city announced support for the "Gay Days" celebration. So God had this golden opportunity on Friday morning to set that tornado down in unrepentant Orlando and make Rev. Pat look good, but He missed, instead wiping out 19 likely-God-fearing people in the state's central Bible belt. Think of what a hotshot Rev. Pat would have been if he had warned people of that thing! (For the record, the first storm to come ashore in 1998 after Rev. Pat's prediction was Bonnie, which hit the North Carolina-Virginia coast, moving almost directly over the Virginia Beach headquarters of . . . Rev. Pat's Christian Broadcasting Network.) [Associated Press via MSNBC] [News of the Weird 817, 10-5-2003]
First Scam-Artist Sighting in Lady Lake Even before the Internet joke threads on the tornado opened, Edward McAteer had swung into action, claiming (said police) to be with the Red Cross, showing up at a shelter, and offering to go retrieve people's Rx drugs, etc., if they'd just give him their house keys. [WKMG-TV (Orlando)]
Oh, Yeah, South Florida's a Hotbed of Concern About Global Warming The signatures of twenty SoFlo mayors were aggregated last week imploring the world to fight global warming via the Kyoto accord, which the U.S. has not itself signed. Then, presumably, the mayors went back about their primary business of attracting development to increase their respective tax bases. But, they will go get some energy-efficient light bulbs for city hall, and the reason that the city of Davie has allowed higher high-rises, said the mayor, is not to increase the tax base but actually to make it easier for public transportation (which we all know is just around the corner)! [Miami Herald]
Cutting-Edge Research from Our Flagship University UF grad student Dana Berkowitz has journal-published her 50-70 hours' observations of customer behavior at an adult emporium, presumably around Gainesville somewhere, finding distinct types, based on situation. Single men who come for videos are completely normal, but those looking for other products (y'know, like artificial, y'know, things) resemble the cretinish stereotype of adult emporium clientele. Single women are assertive, but those who come in groups mostly do gigglefests. Men who come with a wife or girlfriend seem to overassert their heterosexuality. [Physorg.com]
Follow-Ups Judge Rom Powell in Orange County actually issued a restraining order last week against WKMG-TV so that it can't yet broadcast any news based on the 80 cartons of "confidential" records it purchased when they were evicted from political consultant Doug Guetzloe's storage locker [The F State, 1-18-2007]. A further hearing was scheduled for this morning. [Orlando Sentinel]
About that hunter Joe Stokes, who bagged the hermaphrodite deer in De Bary [The F State, 2-5-2007]: It is now reported that that was the second hermaphrodite deer bagged locally in a two-day period. Yr Editor needs to go review the Book of Revelation more closely. [Miami Herald via Orlando Sentinel]
Your Daily Loser Taran Tomlin, 19, was arrested in Jacksonville and charged with pushing his own mom down on a bed and beating her with his fists because she insisted that he wash his hands for dinner. [WJXT-TV (Jacksonville)]
More Things To Worry About Today Florida's governor is the state's 969th- best-paid employee, ranking 968 places behind Coach Bobby Bowden, but even the average senior manager in state gov't earns 10 percent more than the governor [Associated Press via Bradenton Herald] . . . . . Hernando County sheriff's deputy Darrin Burger just crashed his 5th cruiser in 5 yrs [St. Petersburg Times] . . . . . The hed was "Ex-Acrobat Pleads Guilty to Illegally Aiding Migrants," but to Yr Editor's chagrin, it wasn't about some guy dropping off aliens from a ship's swinging trapeze; it was ordinary paperwork fraud [Miami Herald] . . . . . Gov. Crist said he doesn't think an insurance company was retaliating against him when, last week, it told his parents in St. Pete that their insurance wasn't getting renewed [St. Petersburg Times] . . . . . The Miami-Dade Ethics Comm'n is looking into a joint land purchase by Miami city Mayor Manny Diaz and a city commissioner who at the time was pushing legislation to increase Diaz's salary by $53k [Miami Herald] . . . . . Collier County authorities are onto the father and son principals of Stull Trucking Company, who they say stole $60,000 worth of dirt [WBBM-TV (Fort Myers)] . . . . . It's Your Time: A 58-year-old Broward man cleaning his property yesterday with a front-end loader, had it tip over into a ditch and fatally pin him between his seat and a tree [Miami Herald].
This article appears in Jan 31 – Feb 6, 2007.