The bathrooms in Oakford Park's Masonic Fellowship Lodge (#265) are labeled "Brothers" and "Sisters." Creepy. Also, there's an electric shoe buffer in "Brothers," just in case your shine gets marred by the water trickling inexorably from the base of the only stall's toilet. When you're in one of the Western world's oldest fraternal orders/unsecret secret societies, you mind your scuffs, people.Apparently, they're not too big on folks stuffing their jacket pockets with Hydrox cookies from the platter on the welcome table, either.
The cryptic symbols and hushed atmosphere of the Lodge, not to mention the Masons' venerable reputation as shadowy political puppet-masters, lend an impressive weight to tonight's citywide/District 6 candidates' forum. It's easy to associate the location and its keepers with midnight meetings, backroom power-brokering and assorted conspiratorial high jinks.
Then I enter the meeting room proper, which has all the ambiance and appearance of a forced-participation Driver's Education course held in an elementary school cafeteria. Banks of glaring fluorescent lights banish all shadows in an apt, if unlovely, metaphor for the democratic ideal. A coffee machine gurgles in the connected kitchen. Rows of those long, familiar portable tables that don't even really try to pass their surfaces off as faux wood form disjointed conga lines, occupied by maybe 60 District 6 residents. The enthusiasm level ranges from "hey, I'm really only here because I think I should be" to "I'd jump up and down with excitement, if I weren't afraid my bones would crumble to dust." Hell, a quarter of these people, no offense intended, might well have expired by the time the next City Council race rolls around.
Citywide candidates Linda Saul-Sena, Kelly Benjamin, Joe Robinson, Rose Ferlita, Cutis Stokes, Gwendolyn Miller and Carole Mehlman, and District 6 runner Joe Redner (his opponent, Mary Alvarez, was unable to attend due to a death in the family) are here to address this particular district's concerns. Attendees were invited to submit a question regarding pertinent issues, which would be posited to each candidate.
It's a rational, admirable and living example of rule by the people.
It's also monotonous to the point that if you don't have a prostitute regularly mugging someone under your street's inadequate lighting while using non-reclaimed water to erode a fresh pothole, you begin to wish a hooker would come in here and start violently dispatching folks after about 25 minutes. Aside from Joe Robinson's engaging self-boosterism and a palpable animosity between District 2 candidates Ferlita and Benjamin, there's not much going on to raise the event's pulse above a flatline.
Most of the issues raised can be ascribed to the "quality of life" category — street lighting, water solutions, more parks — and the candidates' responses are more often similar than opposing. But then again, that's what the questions call for. Who's going to naysay brighter streetlights or cleaner water? No, silly residents, you most certainly may not have more green space in your district. Ha. Redner commits a tactical error by downplaying the importance of forcing compliance with building-number visibility codes; the other candidates immediately seize upon it, elevating the issue hyperbolically and citing emergency service response, complaint specificity, everything but pizza delivery expedience.
While occasional responses elicit scattered applause, the crowd is largely a listless, distracted one. I get the feeling that each person is just waiting for "their" question to hit the spotlight, with the notable exception of an elderly woman to my right, who nods excitedly, applauds and generally courts apoplexy after every speech. As the meeting hits the one-hour mark, several attendees slink politely from the room. I am one of them.
Two nights later, I head north to the Forest Hills Recreation Center and witness what amounts to an encore performance, with two minor changes. The first concerns the candidates. Joe Redner has been replaced by two District 7 hopefuls: the casually dressed Monte Belote and the lawyerly Shawn Harrison.The second comes in the form of moderator Don Germaise, a reporter for WFTS-Ch. 28's Action News. Germaise embraces his role with the demeanor of a game show host suffering from ADD. He warms up the crowd. He explains the rules of the game with a winning smile. He engages various candidates in some sporadic, witty verbal sparring. And like a game show host, while gregarious and entertaining, Germaise insists that the players abide by the rules in the interest of moving things along. A one-minute time limit is imposed upon the candidates' responses, which has most of them fuming inwardly after the first few times the moderator shuts them down mid-spiel. This guy is not kidding. Perhaps he's gotta be on the news in a little bit.
Topically, the Forest Hills forum is markedly reminiscent of Oakford Park's, just moved some 6 miles to the north. Quality of life issues are brought up, the candidates individually pledge their similar support to reinforcement (albeit in markedly shorter doses — thanks, Don), etc. etc. It seems that no matter where folks live in Tampa, they'd rather have it greener, less bumpy, and more brightly lit than within walking distance of a cutting-edge shopping complex complete with 50 movie screens and multitiered nightlife action.
Eventually, of course, the speakers begin to override Germaise's heavy hand. Belote cracks the dam on the subject of trolley expansion, and multiple fissures soon appear. By the time I slink politely toward the door, most candidates are simply raising their voices to drown Germaise's pleas for brevity, in an attempt to spend a few more seconds almost agreeing with their opponents, but in a different way.
Writer Scott Harrell can be reached at 813-248-8888, ext. 109, or by e-mail at scott.harrell@weeklyplanet.com.
This article appears in Feb 26 – Mar 4, 2003.