Hello, Cheesedick

The top 10 Bar Tabs of 2007, and the Web responses they inspired.

Drinking, eavesdropping, talking shit, taking notes. It's been a fun year in bar land. Here are snippets from my 10 favorite Bar Tab columns, accompanied by the best comments they generated online.

1  The column: "Full Service" (Dec. 13). "She just put that guy's hand on her titty," says Buck. I look up just in time to witness the bartender at Hattricks in Tampa lead the man's hand onto her plastic fantastics.

Comment from the bartender, Amanda Jamieson: "So glad to hear that my large mounds of augmented flesh made such an impact ... You caught me and my boobs on an off night — you don't even realize!"

2  "Don't Rock the Jukebox" (Nov. 10). The bartender feeds his Dirtball buddy my tip dollars to continue the onslaught of metal noise ruining what should be a great experience — Yeoman's on Davis Islands is an excellent pub. My colleague Sal and Dirtball get into a brief jukebox battle and then we split.

Dirtball: "After dissing Iron Maiden like that, I would keep out of Yeoman's for a while, a lot of people feel like kicking your sorry ass."

3  "Her Name Was Lola" (July 25). "How about you, Skippy, Skipper?" Lola asks the bartender at The Hub, Tampa's most notorious dive bar.

"It's Scooter," he reminds her yet again. "It's bad enough I got one nickname. I don't need two more."

Michelle: "I happen to know Scooter very well and I don't believe that's all he said. Nor do I believe he was cordial to anybody who was drunk. That man lives off screwing with easy target drunks ... I have seen it many, many times. And yes, I have laughed. I have also been one of those girls on the receiving end of that bitter tongue."

4 "Hey You" (Sept. 5). I'm sitting at MacDinton's in SoHo with a couple of female friends telling tales and laughing over dollar drafts. Dude wants to quiz "the music guy" on his favorite indie rock bands. Fuck that. I shoo the stranger away post-haste.

StPetersblog.com dedicates an entire, 613-word post to the column titled "It's a Shame About Wade."

Brightlight (on StPetersblog): "And the winner of today's 'Dude, get the fuck over yourself' award goes to Creative Loafing music writer Wade Tatangelo for posting this apparent warning to fans of 'mediocre indie rock' to, you know, stay the fuck away from him when he's out with his friends at a bar."

5  "You Talking To Me?" (July 18). We're at the Green Parrot Pub, in North Tampa, and this drunk Asshole's talking trash to us while an Ozzy tune blares out of the jukebox.

"Look, man, I can't hear ya with this shit blasting in my ears," Buck shouts at Asshole. "If you want to talk to me, come over here and do it."

Fluffy: "...did the resumés to fill his position only include sub-literate, community college drop-outs such as this cheesedick? Regards, Perpetually disappointed reader."

Michelle (responding to Fluffy): "...Wade, I love your writing style. My last memory of the Green Parrot was getting a stomach virus and throwing up for one hour in the DISGUSTING bathroom. I've given up wings and the Parrot. That was 8ish years ago. By the way, what's wrong with a Community College education? Little snobby aren't we?"

[Full disclosure from Wade: I'm a graduate of both Hillsborough Community College and the University of South Florida.]

6  "World of Hurt" (Dec. 12). I trick Creative Loafing Street Team Leader Alfie into doing a shot of tear-inducingly hot hot sauce.

Norma Stites: "What a mean thing to do. your'e lucky he didn't have a very bad reaction. I can't believe you actually go around telling people."

Alfie: "Wade's not mean. He just wants the ladies to think he is. I'd take the shot again, but only if I got paid."

7  "Everybody Comes to Rick's" (April 4). Buck's asking the server at Rick's on the River in Tampa a thousand questions about the menu. She's getting annoyed. So am I. At Buck. Because this waitress is hot — in a trailer trash kinda way that's really turning me on.

Meg: "Although I'm no longer in the Bay area, I felt very much at home by reading this article. I could almost smell the garbage in the river, or wait, was that the smell of the dumpster cooking?"

Helen: "This is easily one of the worst articles this publication has printed ... You, Wade, sound like a tremendous ignorant cretin. Congratulations, CL."

8  "Mall Madness" (August 1). Screaming toddlers, brats zipping around on sneakers that double as roller skates, old man digging in his nose while his wife snores next to him on the bench; yeah, I nearly lost my shit at the International Plaza in Tampa. Duck into Blue Martini for a cold one but am equally disgusted by the Disney-fied setting and women who walk away from half-finished $12 martinis.

Juicy Pants: "This is definitely some of your better work, WT, but I'm still glad you had to suffer for the material."

9 "A Rosé By Any Other Name" (Apr. 11). I get my lil' sis Alli to switch from White Zin to Rosé and witness her drunk for the first time ever. We're at the rather swank A Taste For Wine in downtown St. Pete. Just as the server approaches, my sister blurts: "Wow, I feel spinny!"

Kellie: "Friends don't let friends drink White Zinfandel. You're a good brother."

10  "Car Bomb Backfire" (May 16). Buck hassles the bartender at Elmer's Sports Café in Tampa for not knowing how to make a proper Irish Car Bomb (Guinness, Jameson, Bailey's Irish Cream).

Eag: "Your friend sounds like a jerk."

All comments were originally posted on Creative Loafing's website, tampa.creativeloafing.com, unless otherwise noted.

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