His kinks, my kinks: Sometimes they just don't match up

Say what you will, but I have always been of the belief that the wedding night is a bad time to find out that your new spouse is sexually incompatible with you. I would picture these couples getting married and the officiant saying “I now pronounce you married… by the by, one of you has a shoe fetish and the other likes fire play.” After my own experiences with partners who either complained about how often I wanted sex or bored me in bed, I added “must be able to keep up and willing to try my kinks/fetishes” to my list of requirements. I stayed away from virgins. Guys that cringed when they realized my definition of “romantic” included handcuffs, scratch marks, and chocolate, were placed in the friend zone. Then one day, at an anime fan meet-up, I tripped over this adorable, seemingly sweet and innocent young man. A month and two days later, that sweet little virgin from small town Florida asked me out.

I tried to stop him. If you don’t believe me and ever get a chance, ask him yourself.

Since then, I have enjoyed the immense pleasure of being The Puppy’s first and (so far) only sexual partner. [image-1]It turned out that behind his innocent, good ole boy looks was a naughty lech waiting for release. This was not a problem. I wanted a lover that could keep up with me and The Puppy was an enthusiastic (and observant) student. We hit a few snags in the foreplay arena, but managed to work through them. My visions of the future began to include sexual explorations that left both of us equally sated. Go Team Sexually Compatible!

My pipe dream was destroyed in the afterglow of a rather XXX-rated romp that had left us hot for more. Ready and primed for Round 2, I confessed to wanting to do something that made The Puppy’s eyebrows rise. We tried it. He didn’t like it. The subject of a kink that he enjoyed came up. Not only did I not like it, I do not really understand how he likes it, either. Being The Puppy’s first did not give me an exclusive contract on what gets him going. Nor did it guarantee that he would automatically enjoy all of my kinks. Over time, we began to notice other little things that turned one of us on, but just didn’t do it for the other. We were still head over stupid for each over. Our sex life without the kinks was/is phenomenal. So we decided to find compromises. A lot of it was flat out exploration. Think of it in terms of weight lifting: start at the lower end of the spectrum and work your way up. If the hesitant party was comfortable at that level, we added another “weight”. When it got to the point where the other couldn’t take it, we stopped. We talked about which kinks were the ones that we had to have and which we just liked every now and then.

It was not completely smooth sailing. We both had moments where we wondered if the other would get [image-2]bored. I had moments where I craved the kink the way some people crave chocolate. Each time I would feel guilty because I thought of things he probably craved that I was not doing for him. We could have tried adding more people, but it was not the right time for us. It became one of our jokes. We would cuddle in bed and come up with scenarios involving our imaginary OSOs (other significant others) alongside contemplations of how my long-distance lover, Mr. Chaotic, would handle having to share me with more people.

Eventually, we found our happy compromise. There are still aspects of his kinks that not only fail to get my motor going, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what is arousing about them. I just know that it turns him on. Ditto for me. Occasionally, one of us will try to incorporate some level of the other’s kink. It’s like getting a Pepsi when you wanted a Coke: quenches the thirst, but not what you wanted. The point is that we try. We’re stable enough now that we could bring in other lovers into the relationship. No prospects at the moment, but we are accepting applications. ~_^

It may surprise you to know that my boyfriend, The Puppy, and I enjoy different things in bed. Not “he likes it rough, she likes it slow” types of differences – I’m talking different fetishes and kinks. Some of our friends do not believe that we ever have this problem. They tell me their own experiences with lovers who only wanted sex if it was in the dark, missionary, and slow, when they (my friends) wanted it hard and fast, with the lights on. For most of them, the differences in the bedroom led to their break-ups. But The Puppy and I have been together for years. We’ve been dubbed “the most married, unmarried couple I know” by more than one friend. We make people want to hurl because we’re so head over stupid for each other. How in the world could such a couple possibly have issues in the bedroom? So, for all of the other couples who have ever been there, here is our story…

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