History lesson

Is covering my Internet tracks courteous or rude to my partner?

click to enlarge History lesson - Joe Newton
Joe Newton
History lesson

I have a question regarding pornography usage and browser histories. As a matter of courtesy to my wife (and anyone else who may use our devices), I always clear the browser history on whatever device (computer/iPad) I may have used to view pornography. I have always just assumed that she doesn’t want to see “Teen Anal Adventures” or “Lifestyles of the Deep and Fisted” when she logs onto the browser history. However, the other day, she noticed a blank browser history and berated me for “keeping secrets” from her regarding my masturbatory viewings. I thought I was following proper etiquette by erasing the browser history. Now I am not so sure. Your thoughts?

Wondering Husband Always Clears Kache

If your wife enjoys porn, doesn’t smut-shame you for enjoying porn, and wants to check out your browser history because she finds it titillating to review your recent porn picks, then stop clearing your browser history.

But if your wife hates porn and smut-shames you for watching porn, WHACK, then keep clearing your browser history. She’s not angry that you’re keeping secrets. She’s angry that you’re watching porn and she’s trying to create a lose-lose scenario for you. Watch porn and don’t clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. Watch porn and clear your browser history? Get in trouble for watching porn. The only way you can avoid getting in trouble? Stop watching porn.

And we both know that ain’t gonna happen, right?

So keep clearing your browser history, WHACK, which is the courteous thing to do. And ignore the wife when she tries to make you feel guilty about watching porn because that kind of inconsiderate, controlling, smut-shaming behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. (My response presumes that your porn consumption is moderate, WHACK, and that you’re not neglecting the wife’s needs for emotional and sexual intimacy in favor of alone time with your laptop. If your habits are immoderate and/or you’re neglecting her, then your wife has every right to be furious — at you, WHACK, not porn.)

I’m a senior in college and a lesbian, and I have a question about strap-on etiquette. My previous girlfriend and I bought one together, and I really enjoyed being on the receiving end of it. When we broke up, she took it since she felt like she had “bonded” with it. My current GF and I have been thinking of getting one, but I’m not sure how I feel about another joint purchase. I like her a lot, but I don’t know if our relationship will last after I graduate next spring, and the prospect of having to get a new toy every time I break up with someone isn’t appealing. Would it be reasonable, as a generally receptive partner, to buy a strap-on that I can bond with and ask future partners to use it? Is it selfish to be thinking of the eventual end of a relationship when shopping for toys?

Seeking Toy-Related Advice Pronto

A strap-on isn’t a funnel gag, STRAP. By which I mean to say…

Even if a strap-on is a joint purchase, even if it was purchased for the pleasure of the person “on the receiving end,” it’s not uncommon for the wearer of a particular strap-on — the person on the giving end — to come to regard the strap-on as an extension of her body and bond with it. Such was the case with your ex. And even if your ex had allowed you to keep that strap-on, STRAP, odds are good that your new girlfriend would also have seen that old strap-on as an extension of your ex’s body and insisted on it being replaced.

My advice: Go halfsies on a new strap-on — on the harness and the dildo — and one or two other sex toys of comparable value and utility. If the relationship ends, your new ex-girlfriend keeps the strap-on, you keep the funnel gag.

Programming Note: “Chick-fil-A” is an obvious synonym for “pegging.” I mean, obviously, right? I shall now use Chick-fil-A in a sentence: “Her boyfriend’s kinda homophobic, but I hear he loves Chick-fil-A.”

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