There was a time very early in exploring my sexuality when I found myself dominant. I truly hate to admit this but it seems that doubt, or even an effort to conform, has left me unsure of how to be the kind of dominant that he's interested in experiencing. I enjoy his company and I feel this is something I can and need to explore with him, but I'm not sure how to go about it. He likes sexual denial, sexual degradation, and he's also interested in exploring pegging. I think I can manage these, but the big problem I have is vocally. I'm not sure how to command him. It doesn't help that when I'm turned on my mind goes blank. He's quite good with his hands and I find myself forgetting that I was suppose to be in charge. Do you have any advice for a budding mistress who can't seem to retain her voice or find proper use of it?
Thank you,
G.
First, G, kudos for having the kind of honesty and openness about sexual matters that inspires others to be honest and open themselves. Don't knock yourself for wishing to act a bit more like the dominatrix stereotypes; it's obvious that this is not about conformity but rather about you wanting to push his buttons. And for MOST of us those erotic buttons reflect cultural archetypes. The mind uses the symbols it knows. Also, don't knock yourself (though it sounds like you aren't) for being unsure, even hesitant, about flexing your dom muscle at first. You're learning something new and that's what keeps life interesting!
Now, as for what to say when you're getting your domme on with him, I can sympathize. Believe it or not I'm a pretty non-verbal person myself. Learning to do 'the patter' has been a huge challenge for me. One way I've dealt with this is by asking any new submissive I'm playing with to send me a list of words and phrases that turn them on. Then I just add those words to my mental toybox the way I'd add a paddle or set of cuffs to my physical one.
This solution has the obvious benefit of making the sub do the work of thinking up dialogue. There's also a side benefit in that his list might give you even more insight about what pushes his buttons. For instance, if phrases like 'cocksucker', 'cum-guzzling' and 'swallow it, bitch-boy!' are all included, then you might guess that he's got some rough, oral fantasies going on. Throw a rough face-fuck at him when he's never specified it as a fantasy and he'll feel like you somehow read his mind. Along the same lines, you could invite him to send you two or three examples of porn he really likes, and mine them for turn-on triggers and dialogue gems.
Another excellent tactic for a domme who's tongue-tied (or just lazy) is to make HIM do the talking. Order him to worship you with words, to describe in detail what he loves about your foot as he kisses it. Make him literally beg for what he wants, or beg for what you've just told him you're going to do to him whether he wants it or not. Require him to give a running commentary on what you're doing as you lube him up and slide your strap-on in. Feel free to whack him if he stops talking!
As a submissive guy, it's very likely that his number one desire is pleasing YOU. He probably also knows that when he does a good job with his hands, mouth, etc., you'll get distracted and stop talking. So my final bit of advice for you is to not worry about going quiet when things get good. He might even consider your speechlessness to be a big gold star on his performance.
Good luck, and happy dominating!
See more of Mistress Erisiana Cherie at
SlavegirlSissy.com ~ The Silken Trap ~ GoddessCherie.com ~ Mon Cherie Amor
