I can't understand a damn thing you're saying... but keep talking

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I can't explain (much like not being able to explain my "Anakin Skywalker pull toward the dark side" love of plaid) why I love accents SO much. Of course I am just as happy to talk to any interesting male creature... but when that male creature hails from somewhere beyond North America's lovely shores, I am all the more happy to do so.

Asia has been like one big accent filled audio orgy. For a lot of people this will seem confusing as it stands to reason that hearing r's and l's... or p's and f's... or b's and v's used in the completely wrong context would be painful. It is. I am instead referring to the expat population that exists within Asia.

The dream-like visual for me is much like the candy valley scene in Willy Wonka (the old one, damn it!). All different kinds of delicious accents and I can simply take my pick... want to hear a British man discuss the weather? (or sing Chumbawumba, yes, it's still funny) Done. Want to hear an Australian talk about Dingoes? (because really why else would you talk to one) Also, done. Want to get an Irish man drunk just to see if you can still understand a word he says? Done and done.

In the beginning I was much like Augustus Gloop, it was all too much and before you knew it I was drinking from that chocolate river about to have my face sucked off by a hideous Scotsman. Much like beer goggles... there are accent goggles. They can be dangerous so one must proceed with one of these creatures while using extreme caution. Request that they not speak for a moment so you can take it all in before the inevitable nonsense words like, "jumper" and "bloody" intoxicate your poor little ear drums.

My attraction to the accents is not mine alone. The majority of people I have broached the subject with, also claim it has some kind of seductive trance like powers. How is it that a simple auditory impulse can take what would normally be an average male (or female... but I lack in references) and turn them into Jude Law?

It has happened far too many times that we allow this level jumping to exist and continue. There are women out there spending $5000 on a new set of chest twins in the hopes of jumping half as many levels as these average Joe's ... or Rupert's... or whatever other silly names they have in other places with stupid, stupid delicious accents. ::drool::

NO! This can not, this will not stand!

I am writing this for all the men and women who have suffered from falling deeply in love with someone based on voice alone. We have to stand up to the Colin Firth's and the Liam Neeson's of the world and declare once and for all, "Though our accents might not do a damn thing sexually for YOU, I will NOT sleep with you based on yours alone! Not even after a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink OR a cider drink!"

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