I love myself, I love you: how I keep the spark in my relationship

There is absolutely no way I would rather wake up in the morning than with a strong cup of coffee and my beautiful boyfriend. For the past year this has become our little AM ritual when we spend the night together: coffee, cigarettes, and conversation that feeds the soul. This morning was no different. We sat on his front porch listening to the rain and breathing in our daily dose of carcinogenics when it stuck me; how is it that I am still so excited to wake up with him after a whole year?

Ok, I know this may sound a little dramatic, but honestly in all the relationships I’ve had that “spark” tends to fizzle after a few months and never really reignites. My current boyfriend and I have gone through our share of ups and downs, but we always find ourselves falling in love over and over again. What was so different about this relationship?

I reflected back and wondered...what were we doing at this time last year? I laughed as I realized that a year ago my boyfriend would never have been caught dead snuggling with a girl after spending the night together, and certainly would not have been calling anyone his “little emo princess.” I thought of how much he’d grown, allowing himself to be vulnerable with another person and to be accountable to a relationship. And I had grown too. I’m more secure in my own skin today, I’ve worked out most of my “daddy issues,” and I have a lot more self-confidence.

Maybe, I thought, when we grow independent of the relationship it’s like we’re able to get to know each other all over again. We find new ways of expressing ourselves, discover new interests, and ultimately, become more attractive. We have more enthusiasm for life when we are experiencing new things and seeing things in new ways. When I cross-reference this theory with my past relationships it holds true. Most of my relationships that fizzled out were due to stagnation. Either I was growing and maturing and my partner was a sitting duck, or my partner was moving and shaking and I was stuck in a rut. What an amazing concept!

The thought alone gave me an overwhelming feeling of bliss and contentment. It made me think of my favorite poet, Rumi, and one of his poems that I never understood until now.

I love you, I love myself.

I love myself, I love you.

Wow. I guess this is love.

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