In the waiting pool: single at 30

I am not afraid that I will end up alone, or that marrying a divorcee would be the worst thing in the world, but I'm not going to pretend that when I was a little girl playing with my bridal Barbie I fantasized about the day I would become wife #2 and a stepmother. But, realistically, the older I get the slimmer my chances of marrying a guy who is undamaged by a previous marriage. No matter how mutual the breakup, a failed marriage has a huge impact on a man's psyche and his emotional availability.

I have dated only two divorcees and both times it wasn't pretty. One was from the UK. Although his marriage was over, he arranged to technically stay married for months so that he could remain in the country (I wish citizenship was the original intent of his marriage. He had more emotional baggage than the physical baggage he shipped over from the UK). She was a constant fixture while we were dating. Her belongings had to stay in his home in case immigration stopped by. We also had to carry on the relationship like we were having a genuine affair. She would constantly threaten to repeal her decision to stay married to him if she found out he had happily moved on before the divorce was final. To say that it didn?t work out between us is an understatement.

The second divorcee was so hung-up on his ex that he seemed incapable of talking about anything else. When discussing the most random of topics, "she" would inevitably emerge. When we went out to a restaurant, he would inform me what "her" favorite" meal was. Eventually I pointed out just how many times he had mentioned his ex. He did the logical thing, which was to cry. I too did the logical thing, which was to say, "Buh-bye."

These experiences don't leave a lot to look forward to in terms of dating divorced men. Hopefully these two men are not representatives of the entire species that is the ex-husband. For better or for worse, I can only see myself dating more divorcees in the future.

As I sat through another of my friend's weddings this weekend, I scanned the crowd to estimate how many of the men my age were still single. From the look of things, I am becoming part of a shrinking minority. I turn 30 this year, and although I have no qualms about entering into my third decade single and happy, I do wonder if the pool of eligible guys is becoming too small for me to find a suitable partner. Considering that around 80 percent of women and 70 percent of men have been married by their 30th birthday, I have to wonder if I am more likely to get matched with a divorcee, and if this is a bad thing.

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