BIN LADEN'S LATEST TAPE
We're not buying; already downloaded it from LimeWire.
CHARLIE SHEEN DENIES ABUSING
EX-WIFE
"I only smack people who don't believe in the 9-11 conspiracy. And hookers."
DAVID LEE ROTH CANNED
Sorry, wasn't paying attention, was that from Van Halen again or just the radio gig?
PAY-PER-VIEW TV SEANCE
Claims contact with John Lennon, as disembodied voice says, "I'm fookin' shocked that Ringo is still alive."
$3 A GALLON
Still cheaper than a decent pinot noir.
FROM THE 'YA THINK?' DEP'T.:
President Bush says we're in for a "tough summer."
JUDGE OK's WEB-SURFING AT WORK
That sound you hear is every office desktop in Tampa Bay pulling up monster.com.
—Kelli K via blurbex.com
$2,800 DINNER
If I spend that kind of cash on a date with Katherine Harris, I'm getting more than just a $10 million congressional earmark, if ya know what I mean?
DIRTY HARRY
Britain's prince insists on frontline deployment after military school graduation.
OUR VISION
"An unrelenting commitment to unsurpassed quality performance par excellence."
Compiled by Weekly Planet staff
This article appears in Apr 26 – May 2, 2006.