I find it utterly ridonkulous that "pro-gay" is even an issue.
That's like saying "pro-black," "pro-homo-sapien" or "pro-wipe-then-look-at-it." It's just inevitable. Like chicken pox. It's not a fucking choice, people. Hi. Hello. Welcome to the 21st century. Nice to see you here. Try the punch. Take a name tag, and write on it with a Sharpie: "I'm a big-headed, hairy-ear'd, ignorant, giant-pored, greasy-nosed, country-club-going, Polo-shirt-wearing, horrible-for-the-environment-vehicle-driving, I-cheat-on-my-wife-at-the-Gentlemen's-club-every-chance-I-get, fat-head-of-an-individual." You'll feel right at home. And while you're at it, hit on the underage girl serving the Taquitos. And for everyone else, you should just know better. We minorities have to stick together.
Yeah, I chose to be gay. I chose to have my parents not understand me. And not really want to be around me. And not want to tell their friends about me and my "roommate," or "best friend," in fear of, holy shit, having to defend gay rights. Gay rights. That, in itself, is a cacophony to me. Yeah, I chose to have my grandmother consider my male cousin the only one capable of carrying on the "Bishop" name. I chose to be the black sheep not only by birth, but sexual orientation. Fuck all that noise. Because that's what it is. Fucking noise. Like the band Nickelback. There's no substance, it's just mindless crap that the white Republican majority pushes on us, masquerading as quality, when really, it's dog poo.
This article appears in Aug 5-11, 2009.