When first venturing into the bdsm scene you might be intimidated by the emphasis put on negotiation. This is very important when it comes to kinky sex; after all, if you're hoping to get tied up and beaten it's good to feel secure that your partner isn't going to do anything to you that you really don't want. But the thought of haggling like a lawyer with a prospective play partner is not exactly a turn on for most of us. Fortunately negotiation does not have to be a big deal, and most of us do not write painfully detailed "slave contracts" with our kinky lovers. (Some folks do; I suspect that they get a thrill out of the contract-writing itself.)
This article appears in Mar 1-7, 2012.