Lack of rack: Why does running make for smaller breasts?

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Explain to me how running with my legs (connected to my chunky monkey ass) made my disappear? It'd be nice, once, to rock an actual cleavage that wasn't thanks in part to a Wonder Bra and/or Victoria's Dirty Little Secret. And not that I see any "action" these days, but when I do, I don't want the guy to be disappointed/shocked by the chicken cutlets/water balloons/socks/shoulder pads** that I have stuffed into my bra.

In researching for this post I came across this pic; I find it fitting and will use it as inpsiration whenever I get down about the boobage situation.


(*Please Note: This is a serious discussion. Please stifle all giggles til the end of the post.)

(**Don't judge.)

Attention who run for fun or sport: There is a serious epidemic* occurring which could be personally affecting you. It's called "Runner Boob Loss."

Queue scary music.

Since you began running has your cup failed to runneth over? As your training progressed did you find that your chest, or chest plate rather, resembles that of a prepubescent 12-year-old boy? Have you found yourself creeping into the little girls department at Target to try on sports bras because you fail to fill a big girl bra? Do you find yourself wondering if doing the "We must, we must increase our bust" flexes could actually increase your bust? Do you experience boob envy while working out at the gym with non-runner girls? If so, you are a part of what I believe to be a widespread epidemic of diminishing proportions, and that is Runner Boob Loss.

Don't get me wrong, I was never particularly well endowed in the that department to begin with, but where here the hell did my boobs go? And please, spare me the old boobs-are-fat-and-fat-is-the-first-thing-to-go response because my chunky monkey (ass) has an endless supply of fat and it most certainly hasn't gone anywhere.

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