I'm a 41-year-old, very attractive, happily married woman. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. When we first met, the sex was absolutely incredible. After we got married, the sex was good, not great. This was because we were busy raising our children. (My husband had custody of 4-year-old twins, children from his first marriage, when we married.) The reason I know our sex life suffered while we were busy raising the kids is that after the girls went off to college, things went right back to absolutely incredible.
One night, we were talking about our sexual fantasies, and I confessed that since my mid-30s I've fantasized about being with a younger man. He told me that he'd be fine with me living out that fantasy if I would have a MFF threesome with him. I agreed, and we had the MFF threesome with a friend of mine.
Here's my question: How do I go about finding a gorgeous, college-age man? I thought about posting an ad on Craigslist, but you've said that most of the people on Craigslist are flakes and picture collectors. Do you have better suggestions for finding a straight college-age guy for a no-strings-attached encounter? I'm in the Pacific Northwest, if that makes a difference. Also, I'm a complete newbie to this, so I'd appreciate a rundown of all of the usual safety advice when meeting a stranger for sex.
Mrs. Robinson Seeks Benjamin
P.S. Here is my e-mail address in case any of your gorgeous, male, college-age readers in the Pacific Northwest are interested: [e-mail deleted].
I don't print the e-mail addresses of readers looking for hookups, MRSB, as I am a professional advice columnist, thankyouverymuch, not a yentapimp for wannabe Mrs. Robinsons. (It also gives my lawyer fits. "What if you print this woman's e-mail address and this woman meets a nice young man who turns out to be Ted Bundy?" says my lawyer, who is old enough to remember who Ted Bundy was — and Mrs. Robinson — but somehow not too old to lawyer.)
But save for asking me to print your e-mail address in the column, MRSB, I approve of everything you and your husband are doing. Married olds everywhere should follow your example: You got through the lean years with decent-if-uninspired sex, you didn't become bitter about all that decent-if-uninspired sex, you got back to indecent-and-inspired sex once the kids headed to college (which you were able to do because you didn't let yourselves get bitter), and — most importantly — instead of freaking out and shooting down each other's sexual fantasies, you're helping each other realize those fantasies. Brafuckingvo.
So how do you find the right young man? Trawl the Net, like all the other horndogs, and get your husband to help. (You asked your friend to have that three-way, right? Your husband can place a few "hotwife" ads.) Yes, there are fakers and flakes on Craigslist — lots and lots — but there are some real boys to be had; there's also FetLife.com and AshleyMadison.com and a million other hookup sites. Cast a wide net.
Once you've found a potential Benjamin: Make sure you know his real name, meet in public, discuss safety (condoms) and sexual health (tested recently?), and be sure to let him know that someone else — someone heavily armed — knows where you are and who you're with and when you're supposed to be back.
Here's the tricky part: If you don't get a good feeling when you meet in person — if he seems dodgy, if his pics lied, if he gives off a rape-y/serial-killer-y/lawyer-y-fit-vindicating vibe — don't go through with it.
P.S. Oh, what the hell: MRSB's e-mail address is j.e.robinson71@gmail.com. Have at her, Benjamins.
This article appears in Mar 3-9, 2011.