Lorna's Top 10 Least Hated Christmas Songs

9. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

I've been substituting "tater tots" for "tiny tots" for as long as I can remember. It always makes me chuckle.

8. Santa Claus is coming to Town

A stupid and vaguely creepy Christmas song, but I dig the way the Boss does it. He can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned.

7. The Hallelujah Chorus

The next time you hear this one, pretend they're singing it about you. It's pretty great.

6. Carol of the Bells

I think this song is really some sort of Buddhist koan. I've yet to hear an arrangement played on bells of any kind...

5. River

I hate to denigrate this Joni Mitchell masterpiece by labeling it a Christmas song. It's great on Halloween, the 4th of July and Yom Kippur, but it resonates particularly powerfully during the Christmas season.

4. Blue Christmas

I prefer the Elvis version. They call him "King" for a reason. I'm a lesbian who was born 6 years after the man died but I still feel like he's singing to me.

3. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

This subtle and melancholic little tune offers a much needed reprieve from the maudlin sentiments and arrangements of most Christmas songs.

2. Let it Snow

There should totally be more Christmas songs about doing it.

1. Hark the Herald Angels Sing

I can't believe they play this on the radio! Don't they say the average American reads at, like, a 5th grade level or something? There is no way we know what these words mean.

I am posting this from the hell that is the Baltimore/Washington International airport at Christmas time. I cannot think of a worse time of year to be traveling. If the hordes of amateur travelers uninitiated in the mysteries of TSA procedures don't get you, then the nauseatingly sweet stench of their Starbucks' gingerbread lattes will. And just when you think you've made it - you're at your gate with your black coffee and the stale Glazed Cake Munchkins you got at Dunkin Donuts the night before - the real onslaught begins: "Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock..." ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

In honor of the incessant seasonal serenade that is driving me swiftly to the edge of sanity, here's a top 10 list of the Christmas songs I hate the least. (Let's face it, none of us really like any of them.)

Just one more thing before I begin: this will be my last post for Tampa Calling. As soon as I'm finished, I'm going to hang myself with the strap from my carryon bag.

10. White Christmas

I'm a Floridian which means I was raised on stories of how my forefathers fled the frigid north to avoid ever having one of these again. I derive a sort of sick pleasure knowing that I'll be slathering on coconut scented tanning oil and drinking margaritas this Christmas while the rest of Christendom shivers.

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