Ah, Valentine's Day.
If you've got someone, February the 14th is either a marvelous opportunity to express the depths of your affection, or just another foregone commitment to spend time and money in the name of not sleeping out in the living room. If you've got no one, it's either a depressing reminder of your inability to find that perfect partner, or a reinforcement of your status as a loner, Dottie, a rebel.
It's all in the eye of the beholder, really. Just like beauty.
Last year, we asked readers to nominate local men and women they found fetching for a Lust List. This year, we decided to take things into our own hands, and compile our own Lust List from folks and friends recommended by Planet staffers, and the people we just happened to meet while out and about.
And since we had to do the legwork, we reserved the right to hit on each and every one of them.
Take a look. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder; if you like what you see, let us know, and if you don't, let us know that, too. And if there's someone else out there in the Bay area you're crushing on madly and think the whole community should as well, exercise your rights and nominate 'em for next year's Lust List.
Oh, and happy Valentine's Day. Or screw Valentine's Day. Whatever turns you on.
NAME Angelia Rorison
AGE 24
GIG Firefighter in the Coast Guard; she works on lighthouses and buoys
AVAILABILITY Single
TURN-ONS Intelligence and a sense of humor
TURN-OFFS Drug addicts and guys who are prettier than I am
LUST OBJECT "Tom Selleck, Magnum PI. C'mon, if you can wear shorty shorts and aviator glasses, plus the chest hair? You gotta be hot stuff."
What was your initial reaction to being asked to be on something called The Lust List?
Flattered. Flattered and probably excited. Who doesn't wanna be in the newspaper?
Was it surprising?
Yes, it was a surprise.
So you don't feel like -
I don't feel like I'm outrageously hot. I'm not really the kind of girl that you wanna take home to your mom — I've got piercings and tattoos. Plus I curse a lot, because I'm a sailor.
Well, um, I think being a sailor is pretty hot. And I should say, you don't look like most sailors I know.
No. I don't look like most sailors I know either. Most of the guys I work with are overweight and eat foot-long hoagies for lunch all the time.
What does being a sailor entail?
I'm pretty nautical — I can tie a knot like nobody's business. I get pretty greasy; I'm a grease monkey at work. I work outside, it gets pretty hot.
Are you on the water?
Every day. I have to fix buoys out in Tampa Bay in 4- to 6-foot seas. I got a black eye from a buoy once, because it was moving back and forth so much and I was on top of it. When I came back up my face slammed into the solar panel.
What's that like, when you're on top of a buoy and the thing is rocking back and forth?
It hurts.
What do you think of when you picture the Tampa Bay hottie?
Tampa Bay regulars, they want somebody with a lot of money who drives a nice car and wears silk button-up shirts and has spiky gelled hair. But that's not what I find attractive. I want somebody with more substance. Someone with a little more edge. I like people with full-sleeve tattoos, so-
I suddenly wish I had more tattoos. OK, last question: Would I have a chance?
Yes.
Really?
I give everybody a chance.
NAME Rob Bibelhauser
AGE 21
GIG Caddy at Old Memorial in West Tampa
AVAILABILITY Single, "the only way to be"
TURN-ONS Loves music, a great smile, open-minded
TURN-OFFS Smokers, cocky people, Yankee fans
LUST OBJECT "Jessica Alba. She's hard to beat."
What else do you do besides caddying?
Play golf, play drums and go to USF.
How close is Old Memorial to Caddyshack?
Caddies are caddies, man; we're just a bunch of gambling bastards, playin' whenever we get the chance, stealing our players' ball out of the bush when he's not looking.
Does it ever get annoying having to kiss a player's ass?
You don't really have to kiss ass. What's annoying is when you have a hack. Then it's like — what am I here for?
So you gotta stay single, huh?
I did the girlfriend thing for long enough, man.
What should girls do to grab you, if they can track you down?
I'm not sure I want girls to track me down, to be honest. I don't need some Swimfan.
I gotta tell you, I think it might happen.
Note to self: Buy a firearm.
So ... "Bibelhauser." That's ominous.
Yeah, it's a pretty serious last name. I got my ass kicked a lot as a kid, but I was always at the front of the line.
Is it tough to live up to having The Bible following you everywhere?
No. It's just a name.
I'm no good at golf, but you think I have a chance with you?
No. Sorry dude, that's just not how I roll.
NAME Nevada Caldwell
AGE 32
GIG Actress, theater arts teacher
AVAILABILITY In a relationship ("happily and giddily")
TURN-ONS Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream
TURN-OFFS Teletubbies
LUST OBJECT Richard Seelbach
So, has anybody crazy ever fallen in love with one of the characters you've played, like that episode of Friends where Brooke Shields thought Joey was a doctor?
Not to that extreme, but I have gotten strange notes under my windshield wiper after my shows.
Do dudes wait for you by the backstage door?
Only when invited to.
How can I get invited to one of the infamous Jobsite sex parties?
I don't know what you're talking about. To the best of my understanding, everyone in Jobsite has been celibate since its inception.
Is Nevada your real name?
Yes. It was my great grandmother's name.
It's a good name for an actress or, like, a bounty hunter who drives around in an old souped-up GTO with a knife in her cowboy boot.
Yeah, that or a stripper. But given that I have the body of a 12-year-old boy, that's never going to be an option. Thankfully.
Tell me about teaching acting to the kids in St. Pete.
It's awesome, and challenging, and it's the best thing I've ever done. I'm very grateful to American Stage and the work of Education Director Julie Rowe, for giving me these opportunities.
Are any of the kids old enough to have teacher crushes?
I'm sure. I had crushes on my teachers when I was 4. I think teacher crushes are great, because the ones I remember were with teachers who were inspirational and challenging. They let me know it was OK to be a nerd. So hooray for teacher crushes.
Shower or bath?
Bath.
So, your current relationship notwithstanding, would I have a shot?
[Long pause] You're a little old for any of my classes, obviously.
I mean with you. C'mon, you gotta answer.
No.
Why not?
Because ... I don't know. I guess I don't know. I have no idea. I'm sorry. I'm just so in love right now, I can't even think of anybody else.
NAME Massimiliano Bascaino
AGE 38
GIG Co-owner of Vanarium restaurant in Tampa
AVAILABILITY Married
TURN-ONS Tall, dark-haired, green-eyed, big-lipped women
TURN-OFFS Shorthaired, quiet women
LUST OBJECT “Angelina Jolie, those lips.”
Have you always wanted to open a restaurant?
Yes. The restaurant represents my philosophy: Enjoy the wine, enjoy life. It’s the total opposite of fast food. In two words: carpe diem. Enjoy all the moments.
Was food always a part of your life?
Of course. Linguine with seafood was my favorite as a child.
Food is very passionate.
Of course.
Do you think of it as a sexual thing?
When you cook, it’s like you make love. When you don’t put passion and imagination in, you don’t make good love and you don’t make good food.
I’ll take your word for it. Where in Italy are you from?
Napoli.
How do the women in Italy compare to the women in Tampa?
In Italy, they’re more shy, but more passionate. In Tampa, the women are more open, but it’s just sex. When you need to catch a woman in Italy, you need to expend more energy. But it’s worth it.
Maybe I should go to Italy.
I tell you, it’s more difficult but it’s more intense.
How long have you been here?
Two years.
Are you around for good?
I’m staying here … if somebody doesn’t throw me out.
What’s Vanarium’s house specialty?
Vanarium’s the specialty — everything is special. You need a passport to come in, because it feels like really Italy. The other restaurants put Italian on the sign, but everything at Vanarium is authentic, like me and my partner.
Define authentic.
I came here two years ago, so the American culture hasn’t contaminated me yet.
Don’t worry, contamination is coming.
I’m sure.
Last question, and I’m not feeling too confident. Would you date me?
No.
NAME Gayle Guyardo
AGE 39
GIG WFLA-8 morning news anchor
AVAILABILITY Married
TURN-ONS Sweet, genuine guys
TURN-OFFS Rico Suave one-liner types
LUST OBJECT "Vinny Lecavalier, he's like a little boy in a grown-up's body."
Alright, so I call you up and ask you to be on something called The Lust List. What was your reaction?
Shocked. At first, I didn't think my news director was going to think it was OK. I left out the "Lust List" part.
Being in the public eye, have you ever had an obsessive fan?
There was this guy who would call my phone every night. He'd play his guitar ...
Oh no.
Yeah. He'd play the guitar and tell me he was my Knight of Whatever. He was kooky. And the worst part about it was that nobody else could leave a message, because the thing would cut him off, so he'd call back and start up with his songs again.
Did you ever call him back?
Finally, Channel 8 had to step in. I couldn't get any work done. He was doing other things on the phone, I can't tell you.
C'mon.
I don't know, I don't even wanna think about it. All I know is I pushed *9. I didn't even want to hear what this guy was up to.
On my phone, *9 saves the message.
Oh, well, on my phone it deletes. I think.
So, for the guys out there, calling you up obsessively and playing songs on the guitar is not the way to go?
Didn't work. After the 28th day, it got old.
You're three months out of labor with your third child, and you look like this. Fitness must be a pretty important part of the job.
I got on the fitness kick when I first started at Channel 8. They have these people, they call them consultants, but we always called them "insultants." They come in and they tell you everything that's wrong about you. Early on, this one lady told me I looked like a chubby teenager. It sounds so insulting, but it was the best thing anyone could've ever told me, because I started in on this fitness thing, and now it's the only way I can wake up at three in the morning. It's nice too, because the camera does make you bigger.
Ok, last question. Obviously, husbands notwithstanding ... would I have I shot?
If I met you?
Yeah.
Oh, I think you're adorable.
Adorable's no good.
[Dripping sarcasm] Sorry, I think you're hot!
NAME Brendan McLaughlin
AGE 47
GIG WFTS-28 evening news anchor
AVAILABILITY Married
TURN-ONS Little bit of a temper, a good laugh, a graceful neck
TURN-OFFS Excessive perfume, too much makeup, refusal to pet my dog
LUST OBJECT "If efforts to clone my wife, Sandy, failed, then Andie McDowell. She's that combination of smart and sexy."
You're asked to be on something called The Lust List; what are you thinking?
My first reaction was that you had obviously sensed my anchor musk, and you found it to be irresistible. You're only human, so that's to be expected.
I've watched the show and, for my money, you put the action in "Action News."
You think so?
I think so.
That's great. But my role is also to keep the "action" from spinning out of control.
Ahhh, so it's sort of a dual-action role?
That's right.
Like a shotgun.
Um, sure. I'm the cruise director, but I'm also the Homeland Security guy.
Is it a fun-loving crowd over there at ABC Action News?
I think it's unique in the market in that it's populated with lots of young people. They're fun, they're creative, they're energetic — it's a stimulating work environment.
A lot of lustful folks?
There's been some lust and there's been some consummation of that lust. There have been a lot of marriages that have come out of ABC Action News. I can think of a half dozen off the top of my head.
I don't care what you're insinuating; I'm not marrying anyone at the Planet.
Is that so? I haven't had the chance to look around at all, but I'll take your word for it.
You understand Tampa Bay pretty well. Do you think it's a lustful place?
Absolutely. I think the south in general has an advantage in that department.
Have you ever had someone smell the anchor musk through the TV and, um, want some more?
Yes, I have. Not recently, though, I must say. It's dropped off on a straight line negatively correlating to my age.
I don't believe that for a second.
It's absolutely true. But over the years there have been men and women that have expressed affection, admiration. And as long as it doesn't go too far, it's welcome.
Well, I hope this isn't going too far. But, wives and sexual orientation aside, you think I'd have a shot?
I'm not making any promises ... you bring the Jagermeister.
NAME Joseph Vandergriff
AGE 22
GIG Geek Squad agent
AVAILABILITY Single and looking
SHOE SIZE 11
TURN-ONS Romance
TURN-OFFS Cockiness
LUST OBJECT Lane Fuller
What was your initial reaction to being asked to be on The Lust List?
Disbelief.
You don't think you're hot?
Not at all. I'm very self-conscious. I'm just now starting to think I look good, I lost a lot of weight in the last six months.
Do you think gay men put too much emphasis on physical appearance?
Oh yeah, definitely. That's what it's based on. Guys don't go out to bars to get to know someone, sadly.
Does your romantic bent make you different?
I've done the whole rose petals on the floor leading to the bedroom thing, but I've never had anybody do it for me.
Do you feel pressure to sort of live the cliché, go out and go clubbing and get crazy and hedonistic?
This is my first time being single in seven years, so I'm just getting into going out and being single and having a good time.
Is it hard for somebody who's romantic to really get to know somebody in the bar/club environment?
Definitely. I'm a very friend-oriented person. I love to make my circle of friends as big as possible. Most guys, it seems, they're just after one thing in a bar. But every once in a while you find that one who wants to be friends, and sometimes they turn out to be very good friends.
What about me? Would I have a shot?
You never know. You seem nice enough.
NAME Colleen Mullin
AGE 24
GIG Bartender, The Independent
AVAILABILITY Single
TURN-ONS Fu Manchu mustaches
TURN-OFFS Short people
LUST OBJECT Jonathan Rhys Meyers
What was your initial reaction to being asked to participate in The Lust List?
I was confused [laughs].
Before you worked at The Independent, you worked at Starbucks. What's the difference between getting hit on as a barista and getting hit on as a bartender?
The creepiness factor. It goes way up, exponentially.
Are you more likely to date someone you work with, or someone you meet while working?
I won't date people I work with, so someone I meet while working.
Is it OK for a bartender to give the false impression he or she might be interested in a customer in the name of better tips?
It depends. If they were leading the person on, that wouldn't be cool, but if they were just flirting or being playful, that's cool. But I don't do that. I can get a little sassy sometimes, though.
Do the bartenders talk about the bad lines and bullshit they hear from cocky douche bags after the douche bags have gone?
Absolutely. Sometimes while they're still there.
What's the cheesiest thing somebody's said to you while you were working?
I don't even know. We don't get too many actual lines — The Independent isn't really that kind of environment.
What do you think might be a misperception a guy might have about you if he meets you or becomes interested in you just by seeing you at work one night?
Nothing, really. The main difference is, I don't have my dog Elliott with me. I take him in when I'm not working, and when I am, people are always asking me where he is.
Do you sleep with any stuffed animals?
Nope. Two cats and a dog.
I can't afford to drink at the bar where you work, and I drink shit like Natty Light and the Beast at home. Would you go out with me anyway?
Um ... sure.
NAME Steve Alex
AGE 32
GIG Singer/guitarist, Four Star Riot; media engineer
AVAILABILITY Married
HOTNESS PHILOSOPHY "[I like] someone who doesn't give too much away — a sense of mystery."
SHOE SIZE 15 1/2 (not really)
LUST OBJECT "My darling wife Colette"
Does your wife still come to watch you get all sexy onstage?
It's been years. She used to come to every one when we started, now it's just, I'll see you in a little while.
She can't stand to watch the girls in the crowd go crazy for you, huh?
Honestly, I don't think that's it. It's just that [she's] seen it a million times. Plus, we have two kids now. That may not be the answer you're looking for, but that's the truth.
Are you aware of playing the sexy lead singer onstage?
Yeah, absolutely. But at the same time, it's more trying to have fun and get people to have fun. Not trying to overdo it, but definitely knowing that it's kind of like being an actor. You've gotta do the best you can with it.
So did you use the band to get chicks before you were married?
I can't say I did, because I wasn't very good back then. I guess it didn't work. There were always the songs — "I wrote this song for you, recorded this song for you," the sitting around the house with the acoustic guitar thing. I've gotta say yes, I guess, but it wasn't the band thing, more of ...
The sensitive singer-songwriter thing?
Yeah. It was a trick. You pretend like, oh, wow, there's a piano, there's a guitar, as if you didn't mean to show someone you knew how to do this. But my wife and I were dating when I started playing with a full band. I never had that opportunity.
If you weren't married, would you go out with me?
If you're buyin'.
NAME Cynthia Simmons
AGE 35
GIG Interior decorating
AVAILABILITY Single
HOTNESS PHILOSOPHY Living life to the fullest
LUST OBJECT Johnny Depp
So, someone asks you to be on something called The Lust List. What was your reaction?
I was like: The what list? Then I thought, "Hmm, lust list." Then I thought about sex.
Is that not normally the way you think of yourself?
Not at all times. There are times, but not at all times, no.
Well, what are the times when you do?
Saturday night, 'bout six o'clock. You start getting dressed, you take a shower, do your toes and your nails, and put on that certain outfit that you know as soon as you walk out the door gets attention.
What outfit is that?
It could be this one [pictured].
I'd agree.
The clothes make the person, you know.
You just got back from a nine-month road trip to Panama. I've been on those kind of trips before, and every time I didn't wanna come back.
That was my intention when I left. We were going to try and find someplace to buy, an old building, and turn it into a bed and breakfast. It had to be on the beach.
So what happened to the plan?
It changed from thinking we got it so bad over here to thinking, "Wow, we got it pretty good at home."
What was so rough?
You see poverty traveling through a place like El Salvador. Kids on the side of the road asking for an apple. There's no chance to get above where you are over there.
How was it traveling in South America as a woman, and as an African-American woman?
Being a black woman, they kind of expected me to speak Spanish, especially as we got closer to Belize. That was good, I had to learn. But in Mexico they were looking at me like I had just beamed down in the middle of their city.
How do you deal with those looks?
First it was kind of intimidating — an entire street staring at you. But then I thought, "These people are never going to see me again." So I started getting into the idea of being a big-time movie star walking down the street.
I'm sure it didn't hurt that you're, um, very fetching.
I was sort of hoping that was what it was about.
I think it might have been. In fact, I know it was. On that note, I need to ask: Would I have a chance?
Yes.
Really?
Did you hear a hesitation?
NAME Hector Elias
AGE 32
GIG Bartender at Chattaway
AVAILABILITY Single
HOTNESS PHILOSOPHY "It's all about confidence."
LUST OBJECT Won't say
When you heard the words 'Lust List' what went through your head?
I was in shock.
Working Chattaway's bar, you must meet a lot of women.
Yeah, there are pretty girls that come in. I have a good time.
Have you ever dated someone you met at the bar?
Yes. Well, for a night. Do you call that a date?
Sure. You're from Perú: Who's hotter, American or Peruvian women?
Both are really pretty. Different styles, but both are hot.
What's the Peruvian style?
Talking physically? Tan girls, dark hair.
There are some tan girls here.
Yeah, but most of them are blond.
Is that a bad thing?
No no no no. I love both.
You surf, right? What's it like when you're out there on the waves?
It's awesome. Only a surfer knows the feeling.
I've never surfed. Is it better than sex?
No, not better than sex. But close. Really close.
What's a girl have to do to catch your eye?
Just be nice.
That's very cute. You're an artist, too. Is your art that cute?
No. I do freelance graphic design, and paint murals.
What do you like to paint?
Beach scenes.
What's your favorite beach in Tampa Bay?
St. Pete Beach.
But not very good waves, huh?
No, it's for hanging out.
Ready for the big question?
No.
Sexual orientation aside, I gotta know. Would I have a chance?
No.
