Last month, I decided that our family should make an effort to eat more seafood and fewer deep-fried nuggets of chicken fat. Not that I was trying to be healthy or anything, because that would be called a D-I-E-T, which is against my religion, culture, gender and overall biological structure.
Looking for inspiration, I browsed my favorite food blogs and drooled over a recipe that took a humble comfort food and paired it with lobster. That'll work. My kids and I headed off to Sweetbay to buy the ingredients.
The rugrats had fun pointing at the lazy crustaceans in the tank and trying to guess which one the seafood-monger would clumsily capture with his primitive wooden rake. A feisty three-pounder was stuffed in a plastic bag, weighed, priced and dropped in our cart. Off we went to pay, stopping briefly to pick up a hunk of nice cheese and a box of pasta.
Now I have nothing against the teenagers who manned the check-out line that day, but considering their freak-out when confronted by my lobster, I have no choice but to write the three following letters:
Dear Cashier Boy,
When a customer gently places a bag of squirming lobster on the conveyor belt, the appropriate response is not, "Oh shit, dude. You really gonna kill it and eat it?" Because a smart customer (for example, me) will shoot right back with, "Why yes, pimple-ass, that is the plan. I might even torture it with long, sharp objects before dunking it head first in a vat of boiling water. Wanna watch?"
Dear Bag Girl,
When that same bag is handed to you to place into the cart, the itty-bitty buggy-boo with rubber bands on its claws really isn't a ferocious, drooling elephant-man who wants to tie you up and lick your toes. Please don't scream. You're scaring my kids. You're even scaring the freakin' lobster.
Dear Parents,
I implore you to introduce the world of live seafood to your children at an early age. Teach them where our food comes from and how to properly handle and cook it. If you're vegetarian, maybe it isn't a good idea for your kids to work at supermarkets, where they just might come in contact with raw animal carcasses and squealing lobsters. Perhaps a job at the mushroom petting zoo would be more appropriate.
Omnivorally yours, Jaden
Serves 4-8
Pasta
1/2 cup butter + more for ramekin
1/2 cup flour
2 cups half-and-half
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp cayenne
pinch of ground black pepper
3 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
2 cups gruyere cheese, shredded
1 lb dried elbow pasta
Lobster
1/3 cup panko breadcrumbs
1 lb lobster meat, chopped (steam lobster one minute, remove meat, chop. Lobster will finish in the oven.)
3 tbs grated parmesan
Preheat oven to 350F.
1. Boil pasta in a large pot of salted water until one-minute shy of done. Drain well.
2. In meantime, with medium saucepan on medium-low heat, melt butter and add flour a little at a time, whisking constantly for three minutes to make a roux. Add half-and-half, a little at time, whisking to combine. Cook three minutes, until sauce has thickened. Turn off heat. Add cheddar and gruyere, salt, nutmeg, cayenne and pepper. Stir until cheese is melted. Taste and adjust seasonings. Add cooked pasta to pan, stir to combine.
3. Butter eight small ramekins or a large baking dish. Spoon pasta/cheese mixture into dish, up to two-thirds full. Bake in oven for 30 minutes.
4. While pasta is baking, melt two tablespoons of butter in a medium skillet over medium heat. Turn off heat and add lobster meat, parmesan and panko bread crumbs. Toss to combine. When pasta is baked, remove from oven, Top pasta with a spoonful of lobster mixture. Set oven to broil, return ramekins to oven for eight minutes, until lobster cooked through.
Jaden Hair blogs at steamykitchen.com.
This article appears in Oct 10-16, 2007.
