Male sex toys: My penis' reluctant adventures in the world of masturbation sleeves

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male sex toys from Athena's Home Novelties. While I proudly pass around other provocative swag I occasionally receive, like the remastered 1984 parody porn Driller, I wasn't sure how to handle the rubber cock sweaters I kept removing from the packing peanuts. At least Athena hadn't sent me a prostate massager to test drive.


As coworkers asked about the vibrant objects that stood like giant perverted gummy bears on my desk, I was slow to fess up, as if being questioned about rumors that I had bedded some misshapen bar troll the night before.


I've never been more intimidated to write about something in my tenure as Sex & Love editor. And yet, former mentors have said that truth lies in addressing subjects that make us uncomfortable, though I doubt they had masturbation sleeves in mind. Still, perhaps by chronicling my adventures in the world of rubber penis tube socks I would help expose some social injustice, I'd be standing up for men around the world who are tired of being ashamed of their self-love massage sessions... or maybe I was just using some magical thinking to build up the courage to write about fucking gelatinous tubes.


What follows is a short description of the four Athena's Home Novelty sleeves I conquered this week, followed by some points to consider when shopping for your own lube tube. I should note that all of Athena's products helped me finish the job much faster than usual. However, I'm not sure if this was due to enhanced pleasure or if I was just more fearful of having my lady friend come home early and catch me engaging in what would appear to be a pants-less sword fight with a land jelly fish. I tried to remind myself that if she can openly use her vibrator several times a day then I can go skin diving in a penis suit every once in a while. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that her catching me strapped into one of these sleeves would be worse than if she walked in on me playing a lively game of barehanded whack-a-mole while browsing through her friend's beach pictures on Facebook.


The Egg[image-1]: $11


There's no sense blowing your load on an expensive product you may only use a few times. While The Egg sleeve wasn't designed for multiple uses, it is cheap, making it ideal for someone who just wants to sample a lube tube.  After cracking open the plastic casing, the stretchy sleeve is a gelatinous dome with the consistency of a slightly undercooked hard boiled egg lacking a yoke. Its small size makes it easy to clean and the casing provides a semi-inconspicuous place to hide the toy between uses. The Egg also makes an inexpensive gift that can be slipped into a husband's suitcase or added to your man's Easter basket.


Vibrating V Sleeve:[image-2] $26


This sleeve attempts to supercharge your masturbation session. Even if the vibrator doesn't tickle your fancy, you'll at least have a multi-speed bullet vibrator for use with your female friend. This toy is a solid combo pack for a couple who wants to experiment with both a vibrator and a lube tube without making a huge investment. The soft, jelly body offers the snuggest fit of all the sleeves. While this is ideal during use, it presents a problem when trying to clean the inner chamber. Since I couldn't turn the product inside out without tearing the soft material, soapy water was trapped inside, creating a swampy environment that was less than appealing to my penis after a few days.


Virtuality Sleeve:[image-3] $23.50


The "Virtuality" Sleeve is a heavy-duty sleeve for some extreme gripping and ripping. While the ribbed Magic Stretch material isn't as tight or as soft as the V Sleeve, it is much easier to clean and the durable material seems to resist tears better, which means it will last longer. The biggest drawback to the Virtuality Sleeve is the price. If you're already spending $20 on a toy, you may be enticed to spend a few more for the vibrating version.


The Maven: [image-4]$42


The Maven is by far the most impressive, and consequently the most expensive, of the products. Made of "Elastomer," the stretchy 7” sleeve creates a suction sensation with its closed end that adds pleasurable resistance, along with plenty of sloshing sounds. For me, the suction combined with the soft ribbed interior made for a more provocative experience than the vibrating sleeve. Although thick, The Maven is durable enough to turn inside out for cleaning and drying.  This product is designed for the man who knows what he wants and is ready to settle down in a long-term relationship with a quality masturbation sleeve.


Before diving dick first into the world of masturbation sleeves, here are some points to consider.


Cleanup: Sleeves demand much more upkeep than dildos, as the interiors inevitably become coated with lube and whatever else get pumped up there. Usually soap and water will do the trick, but many sleeves require being turned inside out in order to be dried and to prevent a mucky ooze from building up. This inevitably adds wear and tear. The tighter and more gelatinous the product, the more difficult it will be to clean and the easier it will tear. Also, after cleaning these products I repeatedly ran into the problem of finding a place to let them dry; I didn't have the balls to use the dish rack.


Storage: Aside from the Egg, none of these sleeves came with storage containers. This may not seem like an issue until you're left wondering where to put this wet length of tubing after use. Not only are the gummy surfaces extra sensitive to picking up dirt and gunk, but I assume most users will want to conceal these toys from accidental discovery in a better hiding place than their sock drawer. This is one advantage of the Fleshlight, which houses the sleeve in an inconspicuous flashlight.


Lube: Trying to fit into one of these cock sweaters without lube is like trying to rapidly get in and out of a wet suit. When you purchase your sleeve, make sure to also get some water-based lubricant. If you try to grease these toys up with Vaseline or baby oil you'll be sorry, as silicone lubricants degrade silicone toys. Stock up on water-based lubes, as these are compatible with sex toys, condoms and most orifices, and they can be cleaned off as easily as water.


Check out the above sleeves and other adult novelty products at athenashn.com


Follow Alfie on Twitter or Facebook,


and email him if interested in writing about Sex and Love.

Openly discussing the particulars of male masturbation is comparable to women delivering detailed accounts of their periods; we know these things occur, but few of us want to visualize them happening, especially to acquaintances. The idea of men using masturbation sleeves, or "fifis" for those in prison, is as taboo today as women owning vibrators 20 years ago. If a modern woman discovers a used lube tube in the dresser of a potential lover, she'll likely be as turned off as if she found, well, a dildo. And while men can go to strip clubs together or even email each other perverse porn clips, we certainly don't have pleasure parties where we sip white zinfandel and giggle about the latest innovations in sex toy technology.

So, it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I sat in my cubicle unloading a box full of

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