Mary's coif may be conservative and her clothes desperately out of date, but her attitude's thoroughly modern — and, as an African-American Democrat, she's also a thorn in her husband's Republican side. Currently, she's a member of the ACLU, NAACP, NOW, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, and pretty much any other nonprofit organization that sends her mail (i.e., all of them). An almost excessively fervent community volunteer and home-improvement junkie, she's also an ex-civil attorney who plans on returning to her career as soon as her son graduates from high school. She's a fan of classical music but really considers herself a jazz and blues enthusiast — she owns all of her father's old record collection and one of her favorite pastimes is relaxing in her study while listening to the LPs on her archaic record player. She enjoys reading nonfiction — anything having to do with folks overcoming adversity is right up her alley — but she's also a clandestine member of Oprah's Book Club. She hides these books among her more "intellectual" reads, but everyone's on to her ruse (except Dad). And where Dad's kind of a challenge to shop for (read: he's alienated pretty much everyone except his mistress), Mom's so beloved that she inspires the whole family (except Dad) to seek out cool gifts just for her. Like so:

Tickets to The Florida Orchestra

The orchestra's February Masterworks Concert is devoted to Beethoven's magnificent Eroica Symphony — and Uncle Robert's going to take her because he knows Mary won't be able to drag Rick to anything cultural.

Two tickets, $70, www.thefloridaorchestra.com.

RCA Chaplin 3-Speed Turntable

Not expensive but fully equipped, including an AM/FM radio and CD player. It's a gift from the entire family, because they're all tired of looking at her miserable excuse for a record player.

$149.99, Best Buy.

Day of Beauty

The package from Cassandra's includes a facial, salt glow body wrap, manicure and pedicure, shampoo, blow-dry/style and makeup. It's a gift from Dad, because he thinks she needs it and because it's something that his mistress would want, so it's definitely good enough for his wife.

$241, Cassandra's Day Spa, 3301 S. West Shore Blvd., Tampa.

DKNY quilted silk suit

The gift tag reads "From Dad," the price tag reads $695, and the gift includes matching Cole Haan Suede Tassel Pumps ($325) and Cole Haan handbag ($250). And yes, it was purchased with Dad's credit card. Only thing is, it was picked out by the mistress, because she's the only one who seems concerned about the sorry state of Mom's wardrobe.

Neiman Marcus, International Plaza, Tampa.

Jazz and justice

Daughter Lily totally supports her mother's community efforts, so she's making a $25 donation in Mom's name to the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom. She also wants to nurture and expand her mom's musical tastes, so she's giving her jazz discs from two generations: The Bad Plus, These Are Vistas ($11.99) and Miles & Monk, Live at Newport Jazz Festival (LP, $6.99), both from The Music Spot.

Justice: www.wilpf.org; Jazz: The Music Spot, 1902 S. Dale Mabry, Tampa.

Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement

Teenaged son Chris just loves the idea of giving his mother a book with the subtitle A Radical Democratic Vision. His mother a radical? As if.

$34.95 , Borders.

What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day

Grandma's ordering Mom an Oprah's Book Club selection, Pearl Cleage's What Looks Like Crazy …, because she refuses to pretend like she doesn't know about Mom's habit. And just to up Mom's multi-cultural quotient, she's throwing in BaaBa Maal Live at the Royal Festival Hall (DVD, $16.99) and Bessie Smith's Complete Recordings, Vol. 1, (CD Box Set, $19.99).

Book: $13, Barnes & Noble; Music: Vinyl Fever, 4110 Henderson Blvd., Tampa.

Thai food

A $25 gift certificate to one of Mom's favorite restaurants. Well, not a gift certificate exactly — it's a handwritten note from Joey promising to pay her back from his allowance. Whatever — he knows Mom likes her Pad Thai.

Royal Palace Thai Cuisine, 811 S. Howard Ave., Tampa.

This article appears in Nov 17-23, 2004.