My cat, Morpheus, is a molester and it’s my fault, well mine and my ex-boyfriends. Ever since my ex and I broke up, Morpheus has been humping my butt!
I’ve woken up the past couple of mornings to a blaring alarm clock and this strange feeling on my ass, only to look back and see him kneading and humping it through the covers. He’s fixed so it’s kind of disturbing. All I can think is that CSI is going to come into my bedroom and find cat sperm all over my comforter and I’ll be labeled a cat fucker!! I swear it freaks me out.
I really think the problem is that my cat is stressed out because my boyfriend and I broke up and now he’s some sort of cat sexaholic, humping my ass to relieve stress or alleviate tension. Not only is the breakup hard on the ex and me, it’s also freaking out my cat. I know that animals pick up on human emotions but did my sweet innocent kitty, pick up on the change in emotions after my ex and I had sex?
This article appears in Feb 18-24, 2009.