My desert island movies

Lost In Translation: Sofia Coppola is a boss. This movie was so good that I actually didn’t mind Scarlett Johansson’s raspy, drag-queen voice. But, weird voice aside, I would say this was Johansson’s peak. Although, her creepy but unusually good Woody Allen stints are close seconds. And, finally, I consider this Bill Murray’s best performance. Ever. Forget Stripes and Groundhog Day. He really brought it in Lost In Translation.

Withnail And I: I had to have a nutty, slapstick comedy on the list. This movie made me realize that Brits are way funnier than Americans. Withnail and I has it all: Shakespeare quotes, babbling drunks, marijuana, booze, a holiday gone hilariously awry, a gay uncle, molestation performed by that gay uncle, and more booze. It is one of the few movies I can watch back to back and laugh at the same jokes.

Almost Famous: This one is a double whammy. It is both a great movie and a great CD. The movie features songs from David Bowie to Cat Stevens to Elton John. I didn’t know that singing "Tiny Dancer" could be so fun until I saw this. Also, this may be the only good movie Kate Hudson has ever been in. In fact, this should be the only one she shows her children and grandchildren so they forget that she made Fool’s Gold and Le Divorce. Gag. Despite that, Almost Famous was an awesome movie. Awesome cast, awesome music, awesome performances. And Rolling Stone can thank this movie for gaining a new customer, because I subscribed the second I finished watching it. I’m such a sucker.

American History X: This is the token Debbie Downer movie on the list. If you are on the edge and you need one movie to cheer you up, picking this one would be a fatal mistake. Considering that it is about violent Neo-Nazi skinheads, happy moments are few and far between. Now if you’re in the mood for a hardcore piece of filmmaking, this is a winner. Prepare to have your mind blown.

Sarah Silverman—Jesus Is Magic: If I’m going to be stuck on an island, I’m going to need midget humor to get me through it and, fortunately, Sarah Silverman can provide that. She can also provide jokes about Jews and poop. Could I ask for anything more?

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: If I have to explain why this movie is good enough to take on a deserted island, you’re not worthy.

I had a dream the other night that I was on a transatlantic flight on its way to Africa. I was sitting next to a man in a brown jacket, clown pants and Jesus sandals who kept repeating, “Down we go.” That should have given me a clue to the unfortunate end to my dream, or nightmare, but it didn’t. Suddenly, the no-smoking sign started flashing a blood-red color and the pilot got on the intercom and said something along the lines of, “We are going down, hold on to your fucking hats.” I couldn’t really make out what he said, but I’ve always thought that would be the best way to break the news to the passengers. If we’re going to die, I don’t want to hear, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to bring an unfortunate situation to your attention. Blah, blah, blah.” Cut to the chase, man! Anyway, to make a long story short, we plummeted thousands of feet into an island and, magically, I was the only survivor. That is the point when I woke up. And for some batshit crazy reason, the first thing I thought of was an episode of The Office when the employees play Desert Island. This taught me something about myself: Apparently, if I were the sole survivor of a plane crash on a deserted island, the most important thing to me would be what movies I was carrying on me and how I could watch them. So, if that were to happen, and if there were a television and DVD player on this said island, these are the movies I would take...

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