You know, I've coughed up more than my fair share of sure-fire get-rich-quick schemes over the years. There was the combination barbecue restaurant/strip joint (The Rib Spreader). There was the all-girl Oriental teen-pop Motown revue (The Asian Persuasions). There was also the kitchen appliance designed to remove that unsightly white stuff from the exterior of week-old baby carrots (the admittedly misleadingly named BabyShave), and the reverse microwave that could make ice cubes or render your fresh fish store-able in an instant (which didn't have a name, because The Coolie is culturally offensive, and I'm pretty sure the folks that own Batman won't be interested in sharing Mr. Freeze). The list goes on. Pure genius, each and every one.
Of course, none of these visionary concepts has come to fiscal fruition, mostly because I, as an avowed pseudo-intellectual moron, consider the idea itself every bit as valid as its actual real-world application. It is my role to receive and refine inspiration, not to, you know, make stuff.
Also, I have neither investment capital, nor the know-how to go about raising it.
But this time, it's going to be different. I have observed the need for a unique and specific service in the local culture/nightlife arena. A service which, after a reasonable period of regional fine-tuning, could easily go national. A service that requires very little seed money, and would see income from sources both direct and oblique.
I call it Other Half Nightlife Excursions, Inc., and it's going to make me very, very rich.
The notion came to me last week, at a rock show at lovable downtown St. Pete dive bar/live-music venue/fringe-art gallery The Emerald. The inherent possibilities, however, were made plain to me over the following week, which took me from a benefit at an upscale Hyde Park danceteria to yet another killer local-music showcase at Ybor City's perfectly downscale New World Brewery.
The Emerald is one of the few bars associated with homegrown music that regularly attract a diverse crowd. Take the event two Saturdays ago, which featured sets by an original DJ duo as well as the usual live-band performances. The mash-up of cliques was a reflection of the evening's bands: both The Mercy Seat and The Lake Audition are known for fucking with the familiar three-loud-rock-bands format, and play to bigger, more eclectic crowds as a result. Clubby girls, hip-hop fans and local artists claimed the stools that in other circumstances are occupied solely by dudes who've been in and around local bands for a decade.
But the Emerald is the exception, and there only occasionally. Homogeneity is the norm, in not only the live-rock scene but the electronic-music scene and the live-blues scene and the dance-club scene and the karaoke scene and the art-opening scene: New faces certainly come and go, but the scene is supported by a core of people who do what amounts to pretty much the same thing every weekend.
This was borne out at both the AIDS fundraiser staged by hip, expensive cosmetics brand MAC at house-music haven The Hyde Park Café, and the New World's "Bakers Dozen," an evening of acoustic music put together by local singer-songwriter Anna O. At both events, life imitated art imitating life; the wildly different crowds were exactly what any fairly astute observer of pop culture, or any half-savvy production designer setting a scene for a movie, would imagine them to be.
Here's where Other Half Nightlife Excursions comes in. You can't tell me that one crowd isn't at least a little interested in what the other crowd is up to, and vice versa. That's why, every Friday and Saturday evening, small groups will be given guided tours of the places they, and their friends, would never, ever go.
Let's say you and your buddies have seen every single band playing at the State Theatre, The Emerald, The New World, The Uptown, Boomerz Boiler Room and Gasoline Alley on a particular night, and you're all in the mood for something different. Other Half will pick you up and whisk you away to experience real nightlife scenarios utterly unlike anything you're used to. See beautiful girls dance uninhibitedly to techno! Eavesdrop on an affluent couple arguing passive-aggressively over a local painter's use of light and shadow! Marvel at a nightspot bathroom stall that stays clean and usable all night long!
Or perhaps you're a regular at Ybor City's finer multi-level dance clubs who's looking for something a bit grittier. Don't worry — Other Half has got you covered as well. Call up a few of your more adventurous friends and book a tour of the Bay area's hipster grottos. Wonder at the sight of people sharing drugs in the parking lot! Reel at the incredibly low cost of a cocktail! Watch a comparatively homely man pick up a beautiful woman, just by talking about how making music makes him feel!
Think of it as a sort of urban after-hours version of Busch Gardens' Serengeti Safari. The only real difference lies in the fact that the strange creatures you'll see in their natural environment are, you know, people.
Hey, it's not like you're ever going to get around to checking it out yourself.
scott.harrell@weeklyplanet.com
This article appears in Nov 24-30, 2004.