Not in the mood: causes and solutions

Financial problems: Financial worries are bad for any type of mood.  Even though Baby Boomers may no longer have their kids at home, they still have to deal with financial issues.  As the saying goes, "It’s ok to be poor when you're young, but not when you're old."

Health Problems: Many health problems can cause a lowered libido.  A friend of mine had a hysterectomy 5 years ago and she still finds it difficult to have sex due to the pain and her lack of sex drive. For years she tried everything but nothing worked. Often times a lowered libido can be corrected with Viagra or hormones. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor what she recommends, especially if you can think of nothing else in your life that would lead to a lowered libido.

Extramarital affair: Maybe one partner is cheating on the other or just isn’t attracted to their partner anymore.   You can love a person and not be in love or sexually attracted to them anymore. It happens more than people like to admit, especially considering how much we change over the years.

Substance Abuse: Heavy drinking or drug abuse can also lower your libido.

Anger: Many times I have been so mad at my husband that I can't stand to be in the same room with him.   I don't withhold sex to get some sort of apology in return but I just can't be kissy, kissy when I feel like he's being a jerk. In such situations, it always helps to talk it out.

Exhaustion: Often time’s people are just too tired to have sex or feel sexy.

Body image: Sometimes a person, male or female doesn't like their body and they don't think anyone else will like it either. Often times women are made to feel self conscious because of the images of perfect bodies splattered across mass media.

Worry and Stress: People are worriers.  They worry about pets, children, parents, money, and health. Just like Financial problems, worry and stress can kill all kinds of positive moods.

I'm the type of person who needs to have sex with another person, preferably my husband.  I use toys sometimes, but I still need my regular serving of sex. We used to have sex every chance we got, often more than once a day. Now, much later in life, we have sex about 8-10 times per month, give or take. However, we have sex for longer and each time is a little more intense. Assuming you don’t have any of the serious problems mentioned above, here are a few tips that will help you get in the mood.

Touching/Foreplay: There is nothing more sensual than a full body massage.

Small Amounts of Alcohol: If I get too drunk, I can’t have sex. I just start laughing a lot, but a little bit helps relax me and get me in the right mind for sex.

Pleasure Balls: If you wear these most of the day, you’ll be all wet by early evening.

Sexy Lingerie: Just the thought of wearing something sexy under your clothing all day is very erotic. The feeling of the silk or nylon rubbing against your body is a turn on.

Sexual Sweat: The scent of your spouse or someone that you're attracted to is a natural aphrodisiac. When a person is sexual attracted to another, they give off a scent that triggers a response in the other person. (Pheromones)

Porn Movies, Photographs and Stories: Porn can trigger the body to release pheromones, cause erections, and release other bodily fluids.

Music and Sounds: Relaxing natural sounds as well as your favorite music can put a person in the mood.

Dimmed lights: Candles are very romantic and can easily stimulate the imagination.

Jacuzzi: Just playing around in the hot tub with the jets and your partner is very stimulating.

Sex Games/ Role Playing: If you have time and you are as playful as I am, then games can be a great way to ease into sex. You can play strip poker or Nookii (my favorite sex board game or sexy role playing games). When we play school and my husband is the principle, all kinds of things happen before we actually have intercourse. If you search the web you can find a variety of sex board games and online sex games.

Having a Special Day:  Have one day a week designated for sex and fun.  By anticipating a wild sexual encounter, this can help you get in the mood for days.

Talking Dirty: This works for both of us and it’s so easy.

Sex should be fun, free, and feel good, but the reality is that it's not always easy to get in the mood for sex.  Many things can cause a couple, or partner, to be turned off of sex. Here's a quickie list of mood killers and tricks for recharging your sexual energy.

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