Oh, the carnage! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the grease! And that's only week one!
If you're just coming aboard the CL Tournament of Burgers bandwagon, here's the gist of the contest: I visited 64 restaurants featuring the best or most vaunted burgers from around the Bay, split them into four brackets and ranked them according to my preference or popular opinion. Just like the NCAA tourney, these restaurants are now going burger à burger in a titanic showdown of ground beef and competitive spirit, all decided by me and my struggling gastro-intestinal tract.
Until we hit the Final Four, that is. Then we'll bring in a gaggle of celebrity judges to be the final arbiters of the Bay area's Best Burger.
This week saw burger joints dropping like grease onto a griddle, the brackets eviscerated down to the Savory Sixteen. Some favorites fell — including a #1 seed — while some surprise heroes rose from the wreckage.
Who went home with nothing to show but a greasy spatula? No delay, no suspense, I'm just going to rip the band-aid off in one strong tug: The Chattaway was knocked off. By a national chain.
Vaunted or no, the beloved south St. Pete burger joint and tea room put forth a lousy showing, with a burger that was under-seasoned, drab and overcooked. Steak n' Shake's crusty, greasy, diner-style patty took the match, almost by default.
By comparison, the rest of the Central St. Pete matches were largely uneventful, with Parkshore Grill beating out Beak's and taking away the Cinderella shot of Steak n' Shake. The Kitchen blew by Fresco's fussy Kobe burger and Lucky Dill's mediocre offerings, while Biff Burger beat up on Wendy's, only to have its bland burger pummeled by the efforts of Ruby Tuesday.
The closest match of the week took place in the hotly contested middle of the bracket, between the char-grilled Brisket Basket burger and the old-timey Dairy Inn griddle patty. In the end, Brisket Basket eked out a victory, although both burgers put up a good enough effort to have gone deep in the tournament. Brisket Basket makes the leap to next week.
El Cap didn't suffer the same first-seed blahs that afflicted Chattaway, its petite patty easily besting Checkers and a lackluster effort from Ted Peter's. Out on the beaches, Bon Air Motel's beachside stand beat the Irish patty of Clearwater's Tommy Duff's, only to be knocked out in turn by nearby neighbor the Wharf.
Babalu, another of the Fourth Street St. Pete contingent, failed to deliver, allowing even a typical burger from the Reef to make it to round two, where it was knocked out by a surprisingly good showing from the tiny kitchen in the Dunedin Brewery pub.
Then a titanic battle of northern burgers, when both Kelly's For Just About Anything and Café Ponte made it past two chain competitors. Café Ponte brought a Kobe slider, perfectly mid-rare, dressed with pickled onions and balanced on an airy bun of toasted foccacia. With little fanfare and less fuss, Kelly's matched Ponte with a simple burger, seasoned perfectly, cooked right with an exceptional crust. Either one could have won the whole bracket, but Kelly's eked out a victory this day.
In North and Downtown Tampa, Fly's meatball-like sliders, although tasty, couldn't beat Five Guys' fly burger. Mise En Place put up a dud that was both inundated with overwhelming flavors and cooked so unevenly, the bottom half of the burger was almost raw, allowing bland Daddy's Grill to move on and get knocked out by the classic Mel's burger.
Danny's Diner burger slid by the under-seasoned Bungalow Bistro offering, then was bounced by Grillsmith's workmanlike patty, while Malio's high-end steakhouse burger beat out Gino's.
In South Tampa, #1 seed Bern's coasted by its first two challengers, while #2 seed Capital Grille had no trouble with either Outback or Green Iguana. Don't start counting your steakhouse battles before they hatch, though, because Pane Rustica put together an incredible effort that could easily take this whole tournament by storm, while newcomer Square 1 Burgers (owned by Bella's Bill Shumate) could be a roadblock for Capital Grille.
Heck, next week anything could happen. But I can tell you what I learned after two grueling rounds of competition: A beautiful burger is hard to find. Next week we'll reveal the Edible Eight — and the Final Four. Will your burger make the cut?
This article appears in Mar 19-25, 2008.
