Oracle of Ybor: How do I stop Christmas from killing my dad?

Dear Oracle,

My parents LOVE Christmas, and they usually go all out. They host our large family and friends, and I know it can get very stressful. However, my dad had a health scare recently and is under strict orders to avoid stress when possible. How do I convince my parents to tone it down this year, or at least accept help? (There are two grandchildren, but the rest of us are adults.)—All Is Calm, please. 

Cards: Knight of Swords (reversed), Ace of Pentacles, The High Priestess (reversed), Last Quarter.

Dear AIC, 

As someone who feels most like herself when throwing a dinner party, I know the love of hosting well. I also know the fidgety annoyance of being told to “rest” when there are so many other things you want to do. 

So I sympathize deeply with your parents. But, doctor’s orders are doctor’s order. I think you have to be the ball-busting voice of reason as the Knight of Swords. The Swords are the intellectual suite but they can also be cutting when delivering they’re thoughts. While I would never advocate for cruelty, the Knight of Swords would suggest a sharper rebuke. 

Less “Dad, we’re just worried about you and want you to be ok.” 

 More “Do you want to give yourself a heart attack?” 

No one likes a blunt reminder of their own mortality, but coming from his children, it might actually guilt him into taking care of himself. 

It is important, though, to understand why your parents do this holiday song-and-dance every year. The Ace of Pentacles is both the card of work as well as the card of finding meaning in work. Believe me, they understand the amount of work that goes into hosting—but they’re happy to do it because they find it meaningful. It’s truly a labor of love. Giving up that labor might feel like giving up that love, which is something we cannot let happen!

With the High Priestess, it’s important to look at what these celebrations mean to your parents under the surface. Is it having everyone they love under one roof? Is it celebrating with them? Is it providing them with food, drink, and merry-making? What, for lack of a better expression, is the Christmas spirit to them? And how can you and your siblings replicate that as best as you can? 

The Last Quarter card is a card of connection and of ideas beginning to come to fruition. While I don’t think your parents are ready to pass on the Christmas torch, I do think it’s a good year for a trial run for the younger generation to take on the majority of the labor. 

It will look different, and your parents might have trouble letting go of control, but if you focus on the core of it—that High Priestess Spirit of Christmas—then I think you can still make a celebration that feels like Christmas, without the added stress. 

Best of luck, my dear, and good health to your family. 

Dear Oracle,

I’m not really talking to my family right now, but I have to spend the holidays with them. How do I do it?—Rather Be Alone

Cards: The Hermit, Ace of Cups (reversed), The Devil, Six of Wands (reversed) 

Dear Alone, 

When I drew your cards, I did so in a diamond shape, which meant that The Hermit was on top of The Devil. In my deck (Uusi’s Pagan Otherworld’s) both cards have similar coloring and design and when you put them next to each other, they’re facing each other as if ready to have a conversation. 

I don’t think there’s a better example of your “higher” self and your “lower” self than the Hermit on top of The Devil. The Hermit is connected to the universe, filled with awe at the mystery of life, and is humbly himself. The Devil, on the other hand, is filled with intense emotion—wrath, passion, petty grievances. While The Hermit opens himself up to the universe, The Devil tries to crush the universe underneath his hoof. The Devil is a card of all-consuming thought, while The Hermit is open to messages from beyond. 

So how do you survive the holidays? By being the best Hermit you can be and keeping that Devil way down in the hole. This will require some release of ego and a mindset of “not taking things personally,” which, depending on why you’re not talking to your family, is probably easier said than done. 

You might have to be like a non-tarot hermit—or a Sufi saint—and lean into the idea of a universal love and celebration. You might not like your family (or love them), but Ace of Cups is a card of Agape. It’s a universal love for your fellow human. If you can see your family not as people who may have hurt you or who you disagree with, but as fellow inhabitants on this rock, rolling along in the mystery, can you find some love for them? Even if it’s just theoretical? With the Six of Wands, it’s also a time of celebration and releasing the past warring environment.

In Witch World, the Winter Solstice is a holiday of defiant hope. It is a celebration that you have survived the dark, that no matter how long the night, the light will come again. Is there any way you can ride on that defiant energy and celebrate the fact that you survived this year? Can you, as your higher self, celebrate the idea of hope? That the light will come again? 

Holidays are symbolic and I think a shift in symbolism might help you reframe the gathering and keep you in a Hermit state of mind. 

I know it’s not ideal but remember: everything in life is temporary, including Christmas dinner. 

Best of luck, my dear. 

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This article appears in Dec. 18 – 24, 2025.