Dear Oracle,
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years, and I love them dearly. We are about to embark in a wonderful new direction and start a family. But while I know there is no one else I’d rather be with, I can’t help but think of my exes. I don’t think I still want them…but I do think I still want them to want ME. I know that sounds childish, but it’s true. How can I banish those bastards from my mind and be fully present with my partner?—Pestered By The Past
Cards: Temperance (reversed), Four of Pentacles (reversed), Three of Swords, The World
Dear PBTP,
In an ideal situation, when you’re in love with someone and they love you back, you feel special. At the beginning, this feels electric, but as the relationship grows and deepens, those feelings tend to become more grounded. It’s no longer the wild storm that you’re caught in but the warm house that keeps you safe and dry. Some people find that stability romantic. Others would rather that lightning bolt keep hitting.
With Temperance reversed, there is a question of what brings you earthly pleasure and what makes you feel like your higher self. I think you appreciate your grounded, mature love and are able to keep these flights of fancy about your exes in check, but I do think these thrilling thoughts serve some purpose for you.
The Four of Pentacles can be both a card of fear and force. The thing about emotions—fear, desire, and especially love—is that they really can’t be forced. They have to be processed to be managed. This is something a therapist can help you with. It is worth examining why you want these exes to still think you’re special.
With the heartbroken Three of Swords, I do wonder if these past relationships ended badly for you or were, perhaps, not the healthiest ones to be in. I’ve written before about being “the one who got away,” which can be a huge ego boost because you’re still viewed as special, even years after the fact.
But if an ex treated you poorly in the relationship, to be thought of as special afterward might feel like an apology. It’s not a continuation of their feelings so much as a reexamination and a realization that they were wrong (or an asshole) and that you did deserve to be treated well.
If you had been treated poorly by multiple partners in the past, that might create a wound that even a loving, healthy relationship cannot fix. Again, this might be something that a therapist could help you with or something to journal about.
But this wound will not stay. With The World ending the spread, I think you will come to the closure you’re after and end the longing of wanting to feel worthy of love from these few exes.
As you expand your family and develop a deeper connection with your partner, you’ll begin a new journey, and one where your identity will shift. I hope that you’re able to see that you are, in fact, special and believe that you’re the bee’s knees and worthy of your own love.
Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram.
Dear Oracle,
I’m a woman in her early-40s, and I have not had a serious relationship in almost a decade. I know I’m not meeting “the right guys,” but I don’t know how because all of my friends are married and have other married friends, and the apps are just a nightmare. I feel like there are no single men in Tampa who want to settle down. Any advice?—Dating Dilemma
Cards: Three of Swords, The Fool, Waxing Crescent, The Sun (reversed)
Dear DD,
I’m so sorry that this has been a struggle for you, and I deeply sympathize with your situation. It’s fucking rough out there. With the Three of Swords, I think you’ve had a particularly rough go of it. I know this loneliness can be heartbreaking, and in that storm cloud of a card, there is a sense of hopes dashed.
But then we have The Fool, who, if anything, is hopeful. There is freshness and hope as The Fool starts down his path, but it is often a path one begins alone. This does not mean that you’ll be alone forever, but I do think it suggests focusing your energies on yourself and other things that can make you happy. Besides a partner, what else are you wanting in your life right now? What path would you like to start down?
The Waxing Crescent is a card of intentions and beginning to sow the seeds of the life you want to grow. This is also a card about attracting things you need. This might mean starting new hobbies that allow you to meet new people, this might mean figuring out things that give you confidence, this might be doing some run-of-the-mill love magick. Whatever it is, having goals and gathering what you need to get there is something that can provide a lot of meaning for you.
Because, at the end of the day, the goal is the bright joy of The Sun. It’s a card about hope fulfilled. The Sun is the feeling of a life well-loved. I don’t know what that life would look like for you. I don’t know if that means a partner is around the corner or if your fulfilling life is one without a romantic relationship.
But I do know that when we focus all our attention on something beyond our control, we might overlook the things we can control and the happiness they can bring.
It is not easy to feel lonely. There is a particular pain that comes with it. But, perhaps by focusing on creating the life you want, you might meet people who want a similar type of life, and those relationships (platonic or romantic) can bring you joy.
See more of Caroline and learn about her services at carolinedebruhl.com.
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This article appears in Feb. 12 – 18, 2026.