I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I need to be the center of attention all the time. This happens at work, with friends, and especially with my own family. I don’t like it! I know it’s illogical and annoying and that people have other things going on in their lives, but still, I find myself doing it, and I feel hurt if I think people aren’t paying attention to me. How can I let go of this need?—Self-Centerstage
Cards: Eight of Swords (reversed), Ace of Wands (reversed), Three of Wands, Ten of Swords, Four of Cups (reversed)
Dear SC,
Thank you for your question. I think all self-aware people have a trait or two that they don’t like, and it’s incredibly brave to admit it.
I want to acknowledge that you said you “need” to be the center of attention, not that you “want” to be. That makes it more of an unconscious compulsion rather than a bratty master plan. With the Eight of Swords reversed, I think you’ve felt trapped by this behavior for a long time, and all you might know is this exhausting performance of constantly being “on.” But, as I’ve written before, the Eight of Swords is an illusion. There is a way out.
With all negative behaviors, it’s important to acknowledge the benefits we get from them—after all, we do them for a reason. With the Ace of Wands reversed, I think there is a thrill of potential that comes from being the center of attention. There are always new people to meet, to charm, to impress with your wit, accomplishments, or beauty, and if it works, then you get to be treated like you’re the most fascinating person at the party. It’s a huge ego boost!
The thing about potential, though, is that sometimes it doesn’t pan out. Sometimes, it’s just old friends, old coworkers, and the same family members who have their own lives and interests, and you have to acknowledge that they’re fascinating, too. Everyone is the main character in their life, and sometimes, we have to be the supporting cast. That’s just how a balanced relationship goes.The Three of Wands suggests that you are ready to let go of that behavior, to acknowledge the past and move on and grow… but it’s going to require some intense emotional and mental excavation.
With the Ten of Swords, you’re going to have to look at your behaviors, good, bad, and ugly. It’s similar to step four in 12-step: “making a searching and fearless inventory” of yourself. You’re going to have to shine a light on when these behaviors get triggered, how and why they started, and what harm these behaviors have caused—both to you and from you.
With the Four of Cups, you need to give yourself lots of space to get to the bottom of these complex feelings. A therapist would also be a great guide as you go through this process.
It’s hard to face our darker impulses. But the first step of addressing unwanted impulses is to admit they happen. You’re already inching your way out from behind those swords.
Best of luck, my dear.
Dear Oracle,
Lately, I’ve been feeling like nostalgia has been taking over my brain. I’m moody and missing a past that I know wasn’t GREAT, but maybe it was better than my current situation? Thinking a lot about, “What could have been.” Any advice?—Remember When?
Cards: Judgment, Six of Swords, Five of Pentacles (rev.), Queen of Wands
Dear Remember,
Welcome to Cancer season, baby. It’s a time of reminiscing, overwhelming emotions, and the unshakeable urge to text your worst ex. (Don’t.) Nostalgia can be a hell of a drug, softening memories better than any opioid and can keep us from viewing our past and present clearly.
With the Judgement card leading the pack, now is the time to honestly reflect on your past. As a Major Arcana, it’s a sign of a significant mental shift. It’s a time for forgiveness, for owning up to past mistakes and either deciding to be reborn or sticking it out in your tomb. When it comes to, “What could have been,” what is it that you’re ruminating about?
Is it, “If the circumstances were different…?” If you hadn’t made a mistake? If you hadn’t quit that job, broken up, moved away? What can be corrected now, and what should stay in the past?
The Six of Swords echoes this too. The only way to cross the river of time safely is to untie yourself from the past. There has to be a letting go in order to move on. This is, of course, easier said than done. There are many ways that your past might have been better than your current situation. But I suspect there were also ways in which it was worse.
The Five of Pentacles reversed suggests to me that there was a hunger in your past—for love, for companionship, for security—that you might be glossing over. We don’t really get through this life unscathed, and when we wax poetic about how things were, we often ignore tragedies, loneliness, or the very real pain we felt at the time. You may have been happier in the past, but you weren’t always happy. You learned yourself some lessons in brutality too.
It’s important to acknowledge what was good about the past and what wasn’t. It’s often a far more nuanced look than nostalgia allows.
But not every “what could have been” needs to be let go. You are, after all, still alive. The Queen of Wands is a fiery, passionate creatrix. She can make what she wants out of this world. If there are things that you wish you had done and still have the opportunity too, do them now. Reach out the old friends you haven’t spoken to in a while. Go visit places you regret not seeing or learn how to do that thing you always wanted to know. Some “mistakes” can be corrected, even years later.
But, also remember the Queen of Wands is a protector. Don’t open the door to past harm to see what might happen again. Look at the past with clear eyes, and go into the future with a heart full of hope.
Best of luck, my dear.
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This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 2, 2025.