Dear Oracle, My boyfriend and I broke up last week after almost two years together. We had been long-distance for over a year, which made things incredibly challenging, especially with our cultural differences. At one point, he asked me if I could live with a “gloomy” person, but he was more than just gloomy. He would shut down and shut me out, then suddenly act like nothing happened. “Just busy at work,” he’d say.
I was really sad for the first couple of days. Now, I just feel numb, dumb, and confused. What hurts most isn’t losing him but losing the life we talked about building together. I think a part of me always knew it wouldn’t work. He could be sweet and kind, but when stressed about work, he could also become cruel. He was extremely focused on his job and struggled to find any kind of work-life balance. I’m glad I didn’t have kids with him.
Now I’m back home with my mom, and I don’t know how to rebuild my life. I feel embarrassed for putting everything on hold for him and the move we had planned. I’m also frustrated with myself. The men in my life (my dad, brother, brother-in-law, even my uncle) all saw it coming. They said I was wearing rose-colored glasses.
I feel stuck. I don’t want to date again. I feel so behind in life. I can’t even kiss!—Baby
Cards Pulled by Baby: The Hanged Man (rev.), Justice (rev), Eight of Swords, and Page of Pentacles (rev.)
Cards To Rebuild a Life: The Emperor (rev.), The Lovers (rev.), Strength, Seven of Cups.
Dear Baby, Next week, this column will turn six years old and you are the very first person in all these years to include your own cards in with your question—which is fascinating! It gives me some more insight into your question and where you are currently.
I have no doubt that you are feeling emotionally unmoored as this heartsick swallows you up whole. I don’t need the cards to tell me that; I know what it’s like to fall for someone like an atom bomb and be left with the ruins of a future once promised. It is a death twice over—once for the relationship as it was, and once for the relationship that could have been. While being broken-hearted is a common condition of humanity, the feeling is not benign. Plenty of people die from it. It is something serious that needs to be tended to.
But while this pain is ever-sweeping, while this pain may crest like a wave and drag you under, it is an honest pain. You knew this relationship had to end. You knew that this could not go on because it was unjust.
Both The Hanged Man and Justice are cards about truth. With Justice, we are often confronted with our edge of reason. It’s the last step before we spill over into intense and self-destructive behaviors. We know when things are out of balance. We know we must act swiftly to correct.
The Hanged Man, too, has a moment of enlightenment, but this often calls for a sacrifice. In this case, it was that you had to end a relationship with someone you love.
I also have no doubt that you tried very hard to make this work. With the earnest and hardworking Page of Pentacles, I think you did what you could. But with the Eight of Swords, I think you may have felt trapped (possibly by your own depression and maybe even that of your boyfriend’s).
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But you aren’t trapped. You aren’t even stuck. You are two weeks out of a two-year relationship—my darling, you’re in mourning. So with all due respect, Baby, give it a minute! Wallow on your mom’s couch for another week, eating bullshit and watching trash TV. Cry in the shower. Spend a little too much money on scented candles. Do what you need to comfort yourself as you process this loss. It’s a rough time—but it will not last forever.
And once you’ve had a good wallow, once you have treated yourself kindly and gotten over the initial hurdles of grief, you are going to rebuild your life with the sheer fucking force of your own determination and will.
The Emperor is a true leader; he is persistent, has an eye to both the future and the bigger picture, and possesses the self-control to get there. This is the energy that is going to help you get what you want and make a life for yourself that you are thrilled by.
To figure out what to include in that life, The Lovers is a card that asks us to examine both what we love and what we value in this life. While the Emperor is the mind in motion, planning how to get what we want, The Lovers is your heart. What do you value and want in your life? Is it to be around your family? Your friends? In a city that feels exciting? In the mountains where you can feel one with nature? Really dig deep and use that emotional core to make a plan. For example, if you value your friends and good food, start having weekly dinner parties and learning more about cooking. If you want to be surrounded by creative people, get involved in your local art scene—or move someplace that has a scene that excites you. You can do this. You can sculpt out a life you want and feel proud of. It will just take time.
To get there, though, you have to get through this brutal and fresh loss. You can do it—with Strength, you have the power to walk beside this beast of grief without it consuming you. But take heed: you are in a vulnerable position right now, and you might be able to see things clearly still. With the Seven of Cups, I would caution against making any rash judgments. Something that seems like a great idea might be terrible, and something that seems stupid might be just what you need. Take your time making decisions. Things might be deceiving.
(This ESPECIALLY applies if you decide in a week that the pain of being apart is worse than the pain of being together, and you think you should get back together with your ex. Don’t. Nothing has changed. That’s deception talking!)
On a final note, I just want to say that when the heart breaks, it breaks open. It’s an incredibly vulnerable time, but it can also be a time of discovering what you truly need and want, what you may have hidden from yourself because it wasn’t conducive to your relationship. Be gentle with yourself, but also be curious. I don’t believe all pain is a “learning experience,” but when it comes to relationships, you might discover your own strength and learn what you will tolerate in the future and what you won’t. Your life still happened even if you thought it was “on hold,” and it will continue to unfold. You have so much in front of you. You have not wasted any time.
Thank you for trusting me with your question, my dear.
See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
This article appears in Oct. 30 – Nov. 5, 2025.